I constantly asked myself why she doesn't understand; after all, we live in the same body.
When I was just a little girl, so innocent and pure with bright blue eyes that sparkled when I saw the possibilities of this world, I didn't think any harm will ever come upon me or my family. I liked to think that any evil will surpass us as if we were untouchable and I would still like to think that sometimes. I would like to think we live in a world without pain, a world that radiates hope... but that is a world as fictional as my everlasting gain.
The reality of this cruel and unjust world has not only created physical human beings but it has created darkness inside all of us. It doesn't matter how hopeful you may seem or how joyful you may seem, the reality is that there is darkness within you. A darkness that only sees the bad and that thinks all hope is lost for the world and for you. Some might choose to ignore that person inside of them but for me that person is too strong. Everyone has a different darkness, some have anxiety, and some have anger but mine... mine is depression.
Her eyes see beauty but she deems it repulsive. Even the beauty of the morning dew on a flower petal, she would see as a metaphor for anything that is gentle in this world will cry and eventually wither away. She would look at the colors of the sunset sky that is beautifully painted for you and me but she will deem it as a horrific bleeding sky.
I feel her trying to break free with every smile I smile, with every laugh I laugh and every joyful moment I have. It is as if she knows it is all a lie - a lie I tell myself to get through the day - and all she wants to do is to expose my true feelings of despair. She claws her way out and breaks free with every tear I cry, leaving me with nothing inside. No joy to force a smile, no motivation to seek happiness and not even a trace of sorrow to water my eyes.
She has been a part of me for so long that she has become my comfort in times great emotion. In times of fear, anger and exhaustion I would fall back on her but the only thing she would leave me with is bad memories that scar and scars that brings bad memories.
She creates this war inside of me; a constant battle that has to be fought that no one will ever know about or understand. I'm not even sure I understand; for I know I am not her -I see beauty and experience joy - but yet she lives inside of me, making her me...
I cannot get rid of her for she is a part of me now. Why doesn't she just understand that with everything she does, feel and think we both are affected? Why doesn't she just understand that if she allows me to give into my deepest and darkest desire of setting her free, that neither of us will survive this world and learn to balance the wicked and the marvelous creations of mankind?
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Please give me some feedback x_x I haven't written anything in a long time so I'm a bit rusty and this is a school assignment. Your feedback will be highly appreciated <3 xxxx
