Missing piece lost

All it took was a cloth over his face
to send daggers through my heart
and I collapsed,
the scream
coming through my mouth
I can still hear,
as though it wasn't me

I used to wake smelling like him,
I laughed at the way he bathed in his cologne,
but now I no longer have that privilege,
which makes my mornings unbearable
I no longer want to wake,
to continue on with life as if,
... as if nothing happened

No-one knows how losing him makes me feel,
they talk -already- about me moving on,
as if I hadn't lost a piece of my soul

He left a hole in my heart,
bigger than the one which was there,
before him
Before him I didn't have the future I lost,
dreams of a family, a house, an independent life,
and now I feel it's all gone,
my future is dead!

I cope though,
I try to read, draw, exercise, go out,
It's not like I'm not living,
but I have the right to express myself,
and nobody gets that,
nobody just listens... just listen!
Let me get my feelings out,
don't express concern
when I draw a bleeding heart,
or look up ways to suicide,
or watch gore on YouTube
... let me be

** RIP Husband and soulmate... Hussain