Who will look and who will listen?

by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist   Oct 26, 2016


Stories forced to break into my mouth
No one listens to what I'm talking about

I tried to hoard
Repeatedly told.

Yes, I want it
In case you don't notice,

Gaze into my eyes,
Wipe it when it cries

Read my creations
And tell me your reactions.

Of the time I do not speak
Babe, believe me, I'm not sick

Mind if I ask?
Why did our castle turned to dust?

Your love that was once told,
Now your heart wrapped up with molds

The flame that used to warm our bed
Becomes an Icy cold for the dead.

I can barely see you smile
And when you talk it seem you drink a bile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now something's doing your part
Gently fixing this little heart.

I'm not the one who's about to be blame
Coz babe, you can't even spell my name.
(hahaha)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm no worries
Talking bout my stories

accumulated inside me
Coz the stage is now ready

For me and for the witnesses
To my joy,grief, and sadness

The pen without an eye
And paper without an ear

But willing to see and willing to hear

© 2016 (Gelyn G. Rodriguez). All Rights Reserved

3


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Latest Comments

  • 7 years ago

    by Augustus Black

    *duplicate comment*

  • 7 years ago

    by Augustus Black

    Yes, another very sad poem. I think here, the love is has turned into an solid ice. A ice that is not willing to melt into calm water. I like the conditions you have composed in this write.

    While reading this I got a feeling that a girl is weeping with blue tears, thinking about the breaking past.

    A very nice write.

  • 7 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Michael has done a good job of analysing this poem, so I won't get too technical but I did enjoy it. It had a different sort of story and feel to it. Well done,

    Ben

  • 7 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello Gel,

    There is much I like about this poem, but I feel that I need to check something out with you first. I have noticed that when you rhyme, the words don't rhyme that well. Well, at least to an English tongue. For example,

    Ask - is phonetically (for me) arsk
    ,whereas, Dust is dust

    Anyway, it's probably me, but it does detract slightly from the rest which is very good.

    What I like is the format, the spaced lines, the centre piece, using ~~~~. I love seeing poems that are presented well, and this one certainly is. :O)

    You start the poem with an explosive statement. "Stories forced to break into my mouth. No one listens to what I'm talking about"
    ^
    I like this turn of phrase, I can imagine a head so full of creative thoughts that it literally 'breaks' into your mouth. Couple this with the frustration caused by 'no one listening'

    Reading up to the centre piece. I gained that, this is about a relationship that once blossomed: " Your love that was once told" and "The flame that used to warm our bed"

    Many readers, including me will relate to this. There's nothing worse than a love that turns sour.

    Wow, the centre piece is cutting. Here the highlighted section joyously states that there is now another. Another love who has taken the place of what was lost. What was left to go mouldy and wither. This part, "Coz babe, you can't even spell my name.
    (hahaha)" made me see a spiteful moment, where a pent up anger is vented momentarily.

    The final section - here we have our lover moving on. The experience that once frustrated and caused tears, now being harnessed and used as topics for poetry. I for one look forward to reading the nasty dark poetry that I am sure could come from such a hard experience.

    Well done, there is much here for those willing to read.

    Take care,

    Michael x

    • 7 years ago

      by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

      Sir Michael,

      I was blown away by your comment and speechless as well. .. I just found myself hitting the praise button. ..

      Thanks again.....very well said Sir.

      Gel

  • 7 years ago

    by Em

    Pleasure always

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