Lost letter of tears

This lost letter;
Was written in my tears.
Representing the merely heartbreaking sobs I screamed;
While you thought I'd moved on.

"Let him think the best" I'd tell myself.
"Then maybe he will be happy too." I said.
Maybe if I said it enough; I'd believe it.

But happiness didn't fill the days, and only dreams of the life we once had filled my nights.

I'd wake up in a cold sweat.
Treading the freezing, murky water that I left you to drown in some time ago; searching for the pieces of myself I left behind;
And mourning the pieces of you I could never put back together.

Both day and night seemed to be one;
Melting together and I;
As if in a daze,
Lost track of precious time.

I couldn't save you. I couldn't even save myself.

My own cries echoed and bounced off the cold, white walls as I cried for the love I'd lost.

Something inside of me broke.
But this time was different.

Every cell in my body;
Every ounce of life I had in me,
Died with you.

I was there; but I wasn't there at all.

And as you drove away from me that spring night,
I buried what had been left of the girl you had loved so much,
And the warm breeze didn't feel so warm anymore.

I lost track of that girl;
And you have no idea what it took and how many tears I've been forced to shed to find her again.

I cried for her.
I cried for you.
I cried for who I had become.
I cried for memories.
I cried for myself.

The tears I've cried have made the water clearer; deeper.

But don't worry.
This time, I have a life raft