Confessions of a Broken Ship

by Kasie   Jan 11, 2017


Threatened by the open seas,
Fearful of the storms ahead.
Crippled by the raging tides,
Sailing waters filled with dread.

Like a broken battle ship,
That's slowly sinking down.
Deep into the darkest depth,
While trying not to drown,

Fighting hard to stay afloat,
With raging tides, unkind.
Feeling trapped within a net,
Of my self-conscious mind.

By Kasie F

5


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Latest Comments

  • 7 years ago

    by hiraeth

    I quite enjoyed the imagery in this piece; it reminded me of the painting, The Raft of Medusa, there's a sense of pandemonium that's both innately depicted in your poem, and in the painting. Aside from that, like Mr. Darcy mentioned it could use some minor tweaks to help with the flow, but still nevertheless, a gripping write.

    • 7 years ago

      by Kasie

      Thank you, I have tweaked it a little, but I still have a little more work to do on it. Thanks again for the wonderful comment.

  • 7 years ago

    by Brenda

    Kasie, well done. Good rhyming and you have really opened up and shared deep feelings-thank you-hugs-

    • 7 years ago

      by Kasie

      Thank you

  • 7 years ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Kasie,

    I like the rhyming of this piece. ... you portrayed a sad tale here...I like the imaginary comparing yourself into a ship. ..

    I'm like a broken ship,
    That's slowly sinking down.
    Deep into the darkest depth,
    Trying not to drown,
    ^^^^
    I can relate to this. ...We still strive even how hard the situation is....

    Well done 5/5

    Gel

    • 7 years ago

      by Kasie

      Thank you

  • 7 years ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    Kasie, I do love this! Its the right amount of sad, if that makes sense!
    Great rhyming and imagery all the way through!

    Well done!

    • 7 years ago

      by Kasie

      Thank you

  • 7 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    As I read this I'm very nearly hearing a perfect beat. I could offer suggestions, little tweaks, but I am sure you can manage this yourself. :)

    • 7 years ago

      by Kasie

      Thank you, I will try to work on it.