Inside Myself

by Corina de Haan

How I feel deep inside, no-one knows
Because on the outside I just put on a face
A face that has a smile and eyes that light up,
Maybe I just need my space

Lately, on the inside, I feel like a stack of books
That are about to fall
Or a car tire that has gone flat
And I feel like a rag doll

It is as if no-one understands
What it is that I am going through?
Maybe it is just a faze
I would not have a clue

There is no-one I can talk to
Because they just say
Snap out of it
Wish I could like the wind blows the hay

Cutting myself seems the only way
To get rid of these feelings inside
I get something sharp and attack myself
Because on the inside it feels like I have died

People say your emo when you cut
But that is not true at all
Because to me people who cut
Just need a little help to get back on the ball

I just want to cry all the time
But nothing comes as if there is something stopping it
Behind my eyes that will not let the tears fall
Maybe I can cry if I give myself a little slit

Seeing the blood eases the pain but only for a while
Then it comes back to haunt me again and again
As if it wants me to cut deeper
Until I have nothing left to gain

The best place for me might be a psych ward
Where all the loonies go and stay until they get well
But I do not know if that is possible for me
Because then it will become my dwell

*This is how I truley feel and is my fist deep Poem like this and thanks goes to Jay Perry who gave me the idea after I talked to him*

Thank you Jay Perry