Too much pain

You could never truly understand the way I feel inside but at least I know you try.
That's why your the best friend I've ever had, in my entire life.
Friends like you come along once in a lifetime,  but I know you deserve a much better friend then me.
And I know when you finally realize that too, your going to leave.
Don't know what the heck is wrong with me since I can't stop hurting the ones I love.
Do you know what it's like to feel completely hopeless to the point where you just don't give a fuk?
No matter what I do everything in my life keeps falling apart.
If I'm not here tomorrow just know I truly loved you with all my heart.
This pain and misery had went on way too long.
It's so hard to find the strength each day to continue on.
Just wanna sit in the corner with my head in my hands and cry my fukin eyes out.
Both you and Jonathan say I can get threw this but I'm seriously starting to have my doubts.
Got sharp pains in my arm and now my leg is hurting too
Honestly, I'm losing my mind and don't know what the fuk to do.
No one seems to give a crap; they never try to understand.
Can't you see I'm drowning and need you to grab my hand?
My head is so fuked up because of what that bi**h did to me for years and she just doesn't care.
I was 5 seconds away from taking my own life and she still wasn't there.
So fuking broken and damaged I really don't think I can be fixed.
Maybe everyone would be better off if I didn't exist.
Feel so fuking lonely and unwanted that words can't even say.
Whenever I start to cry, my own fuking dad just tells me to go away.
Do you know how long it's been since I've had a shoulder to cry on or someone to hold me in their arms and tell me it's everything's gonna be ok?
Pure misery and unhappiness is all my life consist of now.
Gotta get away from this hell hole life I'm living in but I just don't know how.