What kind of guys do you go for? (or) What kind of guy are you?

Just a little interesting topic I thought I'd bring up since I had a conversation with a friend from America yesterday who stereotyped us Brits as being romantics. Flowers chocolates and all that. It made me think about 'romance' and what it actually defines. I believe romance is something idiosyncratic...like everyone is 'romantic' but in their own little way, right?

Most guys I know, counting myself, are very different. People seem to assume cause I'm a poet and English that I'm a huge sweetheart but meh, it bores me. I think a good connection with humour is such a huge factor in a relationship, and being totally predictable like bringing flowers to their doorstep in the pouring rain is a little predictable. I could go on but I'm gonna wait to see what kinds of response I get. Does anyone agree with me though?

It just begs the question: Girls, what kind of guy do you go for? Turn ons/turn offs? And guys, what kind of guy do you consider yourself to be in a relationship?

Be honest!

I look for a guy that is romantic but also funny and crazy(A normal guy)...Some one who tells the truth and can make me laugh...Just anyone I can get a long with.

Ya I am not big into the typical romance, flowers, candy blah blah blah once in a while is nice, but switching it up to suit my personality works best lol I am all for humour, like Britt said

"If you can't laugh with me, at me, and at yourself, please keep on walking."

I don't need anyone mooning over me obviously 24 hrs a day, I am not a girly girl by any means, the little things and the way you treat me, matter most.

Ahah, I make fun of myself more than I make fun of others. It's also good in the long run too, you take away people's ammo if you skit yourself a lot ;)

My friend's a hopeless romantic and I feel sorry for him cause it's not what girls (around here) seem to want

It's kinda like when girls say they wish their man would cry and then they do and it's like "my God, be a man" lol

Brits as romantics? Haha, I'm just thinking about my Irish lads and how adorably backward they were. Sweet, sure, but in the way where you say "oh, that puppy is so sweet!" and then it goes around the corner and pisses on something. In fact, that's generally exactly what happened...

But maybe the English and the Irish are quite different ; )

A man who doesn't laugh at his own jokes but is confident and strong in what he believes....notices the small change in your appearance or voice...resolves to not just drop of flowers and chocolates but pay attention to what little things you hunger for and the creative mind. Humor is great but also a sense of morals and depth. I would be fine sitting with him and just thinking, taking the time to not worry who makes the first point or move but listening.....communication!!!!!

^ I laugh at my own jokes :( but I'm not a man! HA!

I like a guy who in the beginning of our relationship will try to buy me things, open the door for me, etc., because it shows he is respectful of women and he's been trained by mom to be a gentleman. Then quickly I tell him to stop buying me things, to stop opening the door for me, and to stop trying to pay for dinner... because a relationship should be equal and I am more interested in dating someone who acts like my friend than my knight in shining armor who thinks of me as a pretty flower and doesn't actually respect me.
It's nice that a guy will try to take care of me like a baby and shower me with gifts... but it's empty. I would rather be shown that I am adored through affection, words, and actions. Material goods prove nothing of feelings.

Also, a guy with a sense of humor is a MUST. Has to make me laugh, be able to laugh at himself, and be able to take some serious amounts of teasing. I'm extremely playful so I need to be with someone who plays back.

That's about it. Oh. No sissies! I want a man, not a boy.

Brits, romantic? Hell no!!!! They're players ;)

The most important thing for me is a person I could get along with like a friend. A person who cares and knows that there is something wrong and maybe even what it is without you saying something. Someone who I'm comfortable with even when we have nothing to do or say. Someone funny, but sensitive at the same time. Meaning not too funny, not too sensitive.

For me romantic describes someone who does the little insignificant things that people don't really pay attention too, and I don't mean flowers and chocolate, because to be honest these things can't be done every single day and they don't always make me feel happy and tingly inside. I mean things like knowing how I like my coffee and wrapping his jacket on me when I'm cold, holding my hand in front of people, supporting me when I feel nervous... making me feel important, beautiful... etc, when I feel otherwise. Doing things I ask him to do, just like he would like me to do things he asks me to do. If we were living together I would like him to help around the house, cook or clean the dishes once in a while. Take me out, even if we've been together for ages. For some reason obnoxious men attract women, but that only happens when the man isn't as obnoxious as to seriously insult the woman. I think it works, I've seen it work.

So basically, someone who I can live with without being bored... a relationship that lasts.

It seems we have a slight consensus among you lovely ladies, but it'd be interesting to get some more guy's inputs on this. I think one of the most important things a guy can do is listen (cliche but true) and take note of all the little things that come up in conversation, what she likes, what she doesn't like so she doesn't have to tell you twice.
Other than that, most relationships I've been in have just been, what I call, evolved friendships. Treat your lover like your best friend half of the time and you'll notice you'll have more fun and be less concerned about the trivial things that couples seem to worry and get paranoid about.

Love doesn't have to be intense and heart-burdening. It can be amazingly fun if you don't overthink every single aspect of it and question every one of your partner's motives. People are less likely to cheat, surprisingly enough, if their partner is more laid back. Couples who are still flirtatious after years of being with each other have the right idea. I get this from my mum and dad who used to act like teenagers together when I was younger. It was so healthy, in hindsight. They've both said that.

I agree with the poster above.

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When I've got a few more posters it'd be interesting to see what kind of girl a guy goes for O:

Good point.....like being the naive hopeless romantic I am...I cannot expect a man to act as my 'prince' and know when to sweep me off my feet and do things to please me...because love isn't about that...it is about absolute sacrifice and trust.

I prefer a guy who is himself 100% from the beginning. I hate it If half way into getting to know someone they change. If a guy is 100% himself I'll know from the beginning if I'll like him in the long run or not. I like romance but a guy does not need to buy me flowers and chocolate to make me feel good. A simple how are you today honey? Or actually having a stimulating conversation is completely enough for me. I just would like a guy who is himself and knows what he wants, because I know what I want and it wouldn't be him if he did not know.

Lol Britt, I was saying... knights in shining armor don't usually respect their fair maidens, but think of them as a prize, and that's not the type of relationship I want.

I guess I didn't actually give my answer to the question (not like you don't have enough girls already chiming in).

It's hard for me to say that I'd want anything that I don't already have in my fellow. He's honest and brilliant and makes funny noises and has lovely hands. He smells like woodsmoke. I like when I can surprise him and make him laugh. I guess that's what I look for?

Respect & honesty definitely.

I know a lot of people who don't understand about maturity and are naive, including me completely, because we think the 'perfect man' will give us things we say we desire, but what we desire is Love and true sacrifice.........it doesn't matter the earthly things as long as the heart is listening.

Well i do think everyone is romantic in many different ways .. but flowers would be nice every now & then. but i personally never been given flower too ='(
i been given pretty much everything even an engagement ring but never flowers =(

my kind of guys are someone who is sweet, funny, smart. someone i can hold a conversation with. and specially someone who will give me my own space. someone who is kinky and sexxy haha.. most important someone who isnt afraid to act themselves and not try to act like someone there arent...

tun offs--someone who is and acts fake. someone who is boring. someone who doesnt care about anyone but themselves

I am the bloke who has all the sweet words, the reassuring hug, the advice giver.

I'm also the bloke who'll forget it's your birthday, doesn't give a shit about holidays or v.day and doesn;t see the point in marriage.

I'm the bloke who will in the crucial moment of undressing, accidently elbows her in face, get his boxers snagged on a loose nail and fart at the same time and still make it work...eventually.

I'm the bloke who will turn up to meeting the parents drunk or stoned just to ease the anxiety, but still be loved by the end of it...well by the family.

What i've realized?

Nice guys do get a look in, it's just the shit guys usually get in their first.

If your a nice guy who's waiting on that special girl to realize, she never will unless you ASK HER OUT.

Awe, that's so sweet Britt. And I agree with you Dark Secrets that it's the little things they do. I like the way you too view romance, it's refreshing. I too look for romance in non-traditional ways and forms (flowers, letters and chocolates, although I do enjoy getting the occasional flowers and letters).

What kind of guy do I go for? I could list off the usual: Honest, loyal, respectful, passionate, a sense of humor, etc. Those are all a definite yes, but I want to look at the big picture.

Initially what I might look for is that he:
- Must love dogs and cats. I'm an animal lover all around. I have a cat named Bella and plan to get a couple dogs in the future, if he doesn't like my cat (or possibly dogs) then like it or lump it.

- How he treats others. One of the most important things, I believe, is how he treats his family and friends, my family and friends, strangers, etc. To me, how he treats other people in his life (as well as other actions) is the best judge of character. I dislike it when someone mistreats, is rude or otherwise disrespectful to other people (family, friends and strangers) or to myself. And if we just met or on a first date, it's not a good first impression and tells me exactly what I could expect later on (in regards how he'll continue to treat others or even myself). It's a turn off and I wouldn't stand for it.

- A sense of humor. I agree with Britt 100%, if you can't laugh with me, at me, at yourself or at a situation then our relationship will be like oil in water. He must be able to withstand serious amounts of teasing because I am a tease and I am playful by nature. I like and get along with people who can live in the moment, who enjoy the little things, who are easy going, who are naturally in a good mood, who are good natured, who are down to earth, who can smile, who can laugh and who can have fun. I can't stand people who are angry, uptight, sensitive or negative all the time. It's draining and you end up getting brought down right along with them.

- An intellectual. And not an intellectual as in he's a scholar, but as in his way of thinking, opinions, beliefs, morals, etc. Someone who's not afraid to express himself, to strike up a conversation or discussion, genuinely likes to listen and get to know someone on a personal level. Also mature verbal communication skills is a must, I absolutely do not like when ppls tk like dis (of course if someone has a strong accent or is just learning English that's different).

- Attractiveness. I must be attracted to them both physically and non-physically. In regards to physical attractiveness, I'd never really thought about it before. I wasn't, and am not, the type of person to rule guys out based on their physical attributes. Naturally, I must be attracted to them, but as far as what my "type" was I didn't have one. Now that I've been in a relationship for 5yrs however I can definitly say I have a "type", haha. Someone who is fit. By that I don't mean that they have to have a six pack or guns, just someone who is lean and most importantly in shape (healthy). That is the most important thing. I like a guy with short hair, nothing that's grown over the ears. Hair color isn't important. Eye color isn't important, although I do love my fiances green eyes. Oh and before I forget, the ability to grow facial hair is a must, I love stuble! :) Non-physically of course would include similar interests, hobbies, personality, etc.

- Someone who, despite wants to be more than friends, will work hard to become my friend first as opposed to try to get into my pants. I'm not easy. I play hard to get, so my fiance says. When I met my now fiance we started out just as friends, although we secretly wanted to be more than friends. We took our time getting to know one another and eventually our relationship manifested itself. Even today, not only do I consider him my fiance, my lover, my confidant, my partner in crime, etc. I also consider him my friend and he me. I think that's important for a relationship. We have a lot of fun together. We have small arguements like normal couples do, but they typically don't last more than 10min.

After I've gotten to know them and things become more serious I'll look for:

- Most of the things I initially look for (above) are still relevant and just as important.

- Someone who's as family oriented as I am. He must get along with and genuinely like my family and friends as well as I must be able to get along with and genuinely like his family and friends too. To me, having a good relationship with each others families (whether you are as close with them as you are your own family or at least have a mutual, respectable relationship) is important to a relationship.

- Someone who has the same ambitions, interests, beliefs, etc. in life as me. I don't believe any of that opposites attract bull. Naturally, my fiance and I didn't have all the same interests, beliefs, etc. at the beginning of our relationship when we were just getting to know one another, but we shared a majority of them. After getting to know one another and having spent so much time together we've learned to take an interest in and get involved in with each others interest. Now, we generally share the same interests, beliefs, etc. as well as have the same goal in life.

- Someone who is spontaneous. By that I don't mean that we have to, for example, take an unexpected vacation to some unknown destination, engage in a risky or risque activity, etc. (although, I wouldn't refuse or rule out any ideas without considering them first). However, making small changes to our everyday routine such as trying a new restaurant, going for a walk on a different route than we usually take, working out together, etc., would be absolutely welcomed. I'm always open to trying different things, not just in terms of our relationship but also simply in terms of my life in general. I couldn't live in a routine for very long. For example, my fiances cousin didn't have a job or go to school for over a year. All he did was watch tv and play video games. I have my days where I like to just sit on the couch and watch a good movie and on a play video games, but I couldn't live like that day in and day out. Most days I am spontaneous and like to go out, meet new people or try new things. I would like someone just as spontaneous and outgoing.

- An individual. Someone who doesn't care about what other people think of him (his clothes, the music he listens to, his beliefs, his friends, etc.), is not influenced by others (doesn't crumble under peer pressure or to fads) and in general is his own person. Also, someone who is living on their own, who has a steady job, etc. It shows they are independent. I'm not looking to take care of anyone, if I wanted to take care of someone I'd have a baby.

- Someone who isn't afraid to be affectionate or romantic, whether it be in private or public; physically or verbally. In regards to romance, I'm talking about non-traditional forms of romance (ie., flowers, letters and chocolates, although I do enjoy and appreciate getting the occasional flowers or letter). I would rather be shown that I am adored and loved through affection, words and small actions, not material things. For example: My fiance will change my oil in my car or perform other maintenances on it, when we're out he's always the first one to reach out to hold my hand, while walking he tends to guide me to the outside of the road (furthest away from traffic), he hugs me from behind while I am shopping and although it bugs me because when I'm shopping I'm in the zone I secretly adore it, when he complies with something I ask him if he could do for me even if he's busy, he knows when something is wrong just by looking at my face, he calls me even if it's just to say good morning or good night, etc. Also, like you mentioned Britt about Jason working 40hrs a week to provide for the two of you, I find it romantic that my fiance Josh works so very hard just to support us. He's a shift worker and works anywhere from 5-7 days a week, 8-12hr day and even nights. It can be rough. But he still manages to find ways to show me affection and to be romantic. Lately whenever my fiance comes home from work, and even randomly throughout the day, he greats me with "Hey [gorgous/beautiful]". Sometimes he'll call me on the intercom from downstairs just to say "I love you". I would be lying if I didn't say I'm loving every moment of it.

- Someone who likes me for who I am and can accept me as I am, completely. All quirks included, haha.

- Someone with both masculinity as well as sensitivity. He's strong where it matters most and weak in all the right places. ;) Like everyone before me, I don't want to date a boy I want to date a man. I don't want someone who's going to cry, for example, during movies (that's my department, haha). I want someone who will be sensitive to my feelings and to that of others.

- His faults must be tolerable.

Now, everything I've listed here is not to be mistake for a "check list". That would be ridiculous and in my mind too high a standards for any guy to meet, not to mention could leave a person being single for quite some time, haha. No one's perfect. We're always constantly changing, growing, within ourselves and people do change as you get to know them for who they truly are or as you get into a more serious relationship. If they don't immediately meet your standards at face value the first time and you scratch them off your list, how will you ever know if they would infact meet them if you didn't give them a chance or the time? There are a few things however that would be what I call "deal breakers" and I wouldn't budge on. In another thread someone said something that I couldn't agree with more (I think it was you Amanda): "When you stop thinking of dating or relationships as this check list you'll find value in getting to know someone instead of scratching them off your list."

I want a Guy who can be himself
And let me be myself

I'm sick of guys being fake and/or asking girls to change

What I want in a man?....Turns out everything I have in mine :) He's incredibly strong, both physically (I've got to admit I love watching him work out lol) and emotionally. He goes through such rough things daily and still he manages to smile and joke, I love that about him. He is the classic romantic as in he always brings me flowers for no reason at all but to make me smile, after 4 years he still holds the door, pulls my chair out, helps me with my coat and carry me around like a princess. But I love that he's so incredibly strong but still not afraid to cry in front me, he's honest with his feelings even his weakness. He tears up watching movies (although he'll never admit it), he's an overgrown playful child but knows how to be mature. He supports my opinions and whats important to me and never laughs at me for what others might find stupid ideas but he still laughs at me for spilling things or how I praise things and I love that he does, he keeps me laughing and from taking life more serious then I need to and from getting to stressed. I love that he stands up for me, even if it's his family. I love that he'll tell me when I'm over reacting (although I might not always appreciate it at the time). I love that he's a trouble maker at times but always reminds me every day that he loves me and that I'm the most important and beautiful thing in his life. I love that he is compassionate and takes pity on the people less well off than he is and that he supports and shares my desire of helping the homeless and orphaned and the hurt animals. He's everything I look for in a man and more

Artistic. Handsome ;)

Open to new things, gentle to those who need compassion most.

I hope one day to meet someone that will be a good lover, that every night spent together is passionate, that he brings much happiness. I don't want him to hit me or lower my self esteem. Adventurous. Individualist. Intelligent, inquisitive with a sense of humor.

A bit femme is no problem. I'd prefer him to be around my weight so I won't worry about being too heavy or too light. He should enjoy taking care of kids, the elderly, and the homeless. He shouldn't kick dogs for fun.

And he should be into the whole marriage/kids scene, maybe music too, and I want him to spoil me to the brim with love. And I'll work hard to do the same. And having me not be the only one in the relationship writing poetry, singing songs and giving random artwork would also help.

I am turned off by planned stupidity, insincerity, apathy, and cruelty in a partner. :) I'd prefer him to be sensitive to the point where people question if he's gay. xO

No issue with him being a recluse or extremely outgoing... but he must be willing to love 'truly, madly, deeply'... maybe even to the point of which he can't eat or sleep when he is worried about me? xD

For me,because I'm gay, (no hate!) what I look for in a guy is understanding,compassion and willing to accept the fact that I have a very big imagination. And I've always dreamed of having my own Mystery Inc. from Scooby-Doo,because I'm a fanatic.One of my friends who accels in leadership can be Fred,his or her girlfriend or boyfriend can be Daphne,I can be Velma,my boyfriend can be Shaggy and we can get a dog like Scooby. Sorry if I talked long... *^_^*

I want a guy to be himself and NEVER CHEAT I hate cheaters with a passion. he also has to be strong enough to handle me (cuz imma tomboy) but still treat me like a girl and not make me the guy in the relationship. I want him to share his feelings but not make it seem like something small means the world is ending (no more drama kings!!) and he has to be funny and be willing to try new things. also i dont go for the flowers and chocolate crap, I mean its sweet but unnessesary.

I like a guy who is totally spontaneous. Our first date can not be the whole dinner and a movie. Too boring. I want a guy who can treat me well but also have the guts to tell me when i am wrong. Someone who will speak his mind and show his beliefs. has to know how to take life for fun but know how to be serious when the moment calls. And a country boy is always nice. I cant be with a guy who takes longer to get ready than me.

Someone like my ex, not perfect but i love the way he is... he's so romantic, lovable, love the way he loves me...

I love flowers and chocolates roses stuff lyk that melts my heart

I'll tell you what I love in a guy - well actually my hubby - he has these traits

He's honest, open, caring and makes me laugh. I have to have someone who makes me laugh!!!

He's there for me when I need him, supports me whenever.

I am not a flower or gift person but on those special occasions I do ask him to write me a card lol I love cards because he always has the sweetest things to say in them. I always give him one as well. We're not really materialistic!

Also - the simple gestures that we give each other. If I am sick - he will go and make me a tea or do something to make me feel better. THAT IS ROMANTIC. That to me is love

He doesn't need to get me chocolate to impress me (although he does when I am on my monthly's but that could be more for his benefit than mine ha!)

I find that being romantic and in love are all little gestures like that in one.

We have to be able to trust each other and respect each other. That is also important. Loyalty is something I feel very strongly about so I agree with the whole no cheating thing absolutely.

We also understand that we both have other interests and give each other independece as well.

The other thing is he understands my love for animals. He loves cats! He has empathy for animals and what they go through

He has good morals and beliefs except when he's driving lol

Romance is in like you said - in everyone's own way!!!

oh yeah it is NOT romantic to abuse your partner. That's a big no no!!!

I go for a guy who's funny always know how to make u laugh. Who supports u..takes u for who u are
Who's not perfect
Nice and caring
Whose good looking inside and out!!

"Love doesn't have to be intense and heart-burdening. It can be amazingly fun if you don't overthink every single aspect of it and question every one of your partner's motives."

Abso-friggin-lutely correct

Brits arnt romantics, were lovingly casual..interesting topic btw.

A down to earth, hardworking, humerous guy who will scoot off out with the lads and wont mind when i go out with my gurlies. Someone relativly on the same wavelength and just as crazy/daft as me while still maintaining some sort of sanity. A guy willing to do everything halfers - non of this i will pay for everything and you be a stay at home kept lady crap.

I am not one for PDA unless im completly head over heels in love and i know were a serious thing, so the most your gonna get off me until then is hand holding and petal kisses in public.

& deffinatly a guy thats up for all kinds of adventures outside the home as well as in.

A guy with hot looks
Tanned..muscle

Me being the odd duckling i am...

As a guy i am one of those hopeless romantics.
I bring chocolates all the time, not to big into flowers (That requires to upkeep them. Bah) taking them out to places like the beach, and loving my girl to death.

I dont think of them as a prize, i instead think of them as something to be cherished and loved. An equal.
Someone beautiful and amazing. Truely.

A lot of respect and i always weigh their opinions as equal to mine.
Also someone who iwll let me cook! I love cooking. Haha. Doesnt have to be all the time
Someone i can protect

What i look for in a guy is a bit different though. (Yes im Bi, haha, also transgendered >.> Yes im an odd duck, Female trapt in a males body AHHH)
I try to find someone who is caring with a lot of respect toward me. Someone who will protect me when all hell breaks loose. Idk.
I Dont want to go on forever.

I like a guy who can bring out the real me. Someone i feel safe around, can go to when am sad, who will try to help me not to cry, someone who likes me for me, someone who is true, someone who will love me, someone who llikes sports (Preferably futbol) someone wiling to travel (Caues when i get out of college (Currently a junior in high school) i want to move or at least visit Brasil and Spain :D ) I need a guy who can cook cause i suck at cooking haha. I bake so someone who would like my baking. I may not be able to cook very well but i can at least bake pretty well. People tell me i make the best cupcakes and muffins. IDK where that came from haha :)
I want a guy who can be honest to me. Someone sweet, not afraid to be with me in public, will talk about me to his friends all the time.
And i'm not trrying to be racist in any way shape or form but preferabl not a white american guy. I like white guys if they arent from America. I fall for guys with accents all the time XD i've just been hurt too many times by white americans :) but i truly love all races considering i am half swedish/german/irish/british/alot of other european countries (Sorry i forgot the rest haha) and half mexican/native-american.
I mostly want a guy who will tell me i'm beautiful, actually wants to be with me, and doesnt want me to change :)

A guy with his own identity ------a strong character / who is sure of himself and has the utmost respect .........who wil grow with me

^^^ I agree with Ronel :-)

I want a guy exactly like the guy who is in my life right now. i hope i dont lose him cause he means the world to me :)

I have a guy that is cute caring thoughtful random completly and utterly insanebut perfectly normal at the same time he is my other half and hes funny smart all the things us girls think are impossible in a guy who isnt made hes my fairytale prince he loves me and talks about us grpwing up and spend our lives together he always there to pick me up when i fall even when he pushed me in to a flax bush..... but it wasnt his fault hehe he always makes me laugh he has beautiful blue eyes its like lookking into a ocean which is good since im a water baby his fit in two ways he still has baby flubber and is proud of it ok there is something i would change .. the fact that he kinda annoys me sometimes and makes me angry but only sometimes most of time im happy

I'm the kind of guy that doesn't search