I was clean for over a month from self harm and I did it two days ago. I always seem to fall back into addiction. I have gone 4 years before too. My life always seems to be getting worse and not better. Unsure what to do anymore
Hey, I'm sorry to hear. Don't beat yourself up about it.... I've actually read some stories of people who have relapsed (from an addiction, SH, or other destructive behaviors) and have read responses. What I found a lot of people saying is the fact. The fact that you are human. I don't think there's a person here who can raise his/her hand and say he/she never struggled.
Just make a goal, an effort to stay clean for longer this time. But 4 years is an incredible amount of time! Be proud of that. And remember, you don't have to be strong alone, there is strength from others' support. You are not weak because of a relapse.
I think it's a cycle of a lot of things though. It's the constant of negative thoughts around me and having religion thrown in my face. My parents are the negative thoughts. I have tried to talk to them but it's hard when they are part of the problem. I am alone. Sure I have friends but all they say is Jesus and God will heal me. I don't believe that's true. I'm also pretty suicidal from a lot of things. of course I'm not gonna tell my story on here but still. What kind of parents won't even help their son? I do not understand. ..
I feel for you, as I've turned to spirituality, and religion, and neither have healed my emotional scars. The only advice I have, is to let your sadness out, to let your anger out, and to chase your dreams, no matter how big, or small they may seem.
Unfortunatly i've been clean since my beloved died sure i've wanted to cut but strangely the blade doesn't appeal to me no more it's my soul that i want to shred to bloody pices and feed it to the idiots who wounded me but alas that will never happen since i have good friends
i was clean for 11 months and i just relapsed 2 weeks ago. i regret it so much and honestly i'm horrified. thankfully they'll heal before my boyfriend gets back cause if he finds out, he'll be heartbroken
AS a mother of a daughter that has cut (self harmed) in the past... I will say that it is heartbreaking for EVERYONE around.
One thing that my daughter and I put in place is that she was to call me first and allow us the time to talk about what was/is upsetting her.
There were many times I would drive 30 miles one way to see her while she was visiting her dad ( with her on the phone to me the whole time) just to talk.
We had the agreement that as long as we talked first then I would not flip out if she cut.
This has actually worked out in the end for us. She is now 9 + months clean from cutting...
I encouraged her to draw and write everything. I also taught her to start naming off everything she is truly thankful for even when she is depressed... ( such as the fact that we have a home, we live in a country where parents usually live past the child's 5th birthday, we have running water, she has shoes and clothes).
To help her see how much she actually has we sponsored a child in Africa and the researched the living conditions in that area. It really opened her eyes.
I wish you the best of luck and know that every time you say no you are one step closer to breaking the addiction.
I know the urges last quiet a while and it takes a long time to feel "normal".
Even though it has been over 9 months with my daughter, I do know that she thinks about it from time to time. She keeps count of how long it has been and when the desire to cut creeps in she reminds herself that it has been xx long and tries to change her thoughts.
She will focus on what she is grateful for and forces her mind to stay on a thanksgiving path instead of "if only".
Do you have a close friend that you can confine in?
Start a Blessing journal and every time the urge comes up read your journal over and over again.
Also keep a regular journal just to get your feelings out, but do not spend time focusing on it. Remember it is just to let out your feelings, not to constantly relive them.