Formed poetry challenge #6 and 6b

  • Darren
    5 years ago

    Hi all,

    As Hellon suggested I have begun a new thread for challenge 6.
    I have also left it open for Hellon to add her own challenge (6b)

    The next form is a Haibun
    I cannot take the credit for this challenge, I found it here;

    http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/threads/143976

    3 years ago 'Greeter' suggested this challenge on the contests threads.

    Details of the Haibun form can be found here;

    http://www.baymoon.com/~ariadne/form/haibun.htm

    it looks a bit more difficult than it is, it's good practice for aspiring writers.

    have fun!

  • Hellon replied to Darren
    5 years ago

    Thanks Darren.

    Challenge 6b

    Trois-par-Huit

    http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/troisparhuit.html

    I'm Transfixed

    Morning hush
    greets sun's first gentle blush
    droplets of dew, accumulating

    crystallized upon silken cobwebs shimmering
    prism of colours dance in shadows reflecting

    translucent rainbows in early mist
    nature's illusionist
    I'm transfixed.

  • Hellon
    5 years ago

    I think...between the two of us Darren, we have them stumped laddie??? Unless...yeah...unless :)

  • Darren replied to Hellon
    5 years ago

    I think I have stumped myself, I will have another look at these tonight.

    Busy day today.

  • Michael
    5 years ago

    And so the challenges continue, so first a stab at Hellon's chosen form:

    Such delight

    I can see
    although its new to me
    how this small poetic form is penned

    A poem that hasn’t yet driven me round the bend
    although I am yet to finish and reach the end

    but now I see this form as write
    which did not take all night
    such delight

  • Hellon replied to Michael
    5 years ago

    Good effort Michael.
    Just a couple of little things that can easily be fixed...

    A poem that hasn’t yet driven me round the bend
    ^^^

    I say poem as one syllable but when I checked it actually has two giving a total count of 13 but you could replace it with the word verse.

    but now I see this form as write

    ^^^

    I'm only counting 8 syllables here and there should be 9 so, perhaps..

    now I see this form as being write Also should it be right?

    Just something for you to mull over while you're writing your Haibun masterpiece lol!

  • Em (marmite)
    5 years ago

    6b) No more doom

    looking at
    the way you walk like that
    still amazes me that you are mine

    for you are quite simply and sincerely divine
    your smile brightens me up and allows me to rhyme

    you make me laugh when darkness does loom
    your love outshines the gloom;
    no more doom.

  • Hellon replied to Em (marmite)
    5 years ago

    Very well done Em. Anyone else???? :) :)

  • Mr. Darcy replied to Hellon
    5 years ago

    Yes, but I'm so busy at the moment. I'm happy to post it here in the next few days if you want to move on.

  • Darren replied to Hellon
    5 years ago, updated 5 years ago

    I have cheated slightly I have written both about the same thing.

    firstly

    6) The Ankerwycke Yew (Haibun)

    As I wander through the Willows and Yews by the water, it hits me. Everything these great flora beasts have seen. A mere 2000 years old in comparison to the millions of years this earth has turned. Yet my forty years just a falling leaf in time. I wonder what more they will witness.

    suns and moons many
    new life, more death, such carnage
    tries to forget wars.

    And

    6b) Ankerwycke (Trois-par-huit)

    Flora beast
    the planter long deceased
    survived battles by cannon then planes

    seen birds born, children christened, fire, steel and bloodstains
    lived through frost, snow, a winter blanket, heavy rains
    cried for others, burnt like candlewick

    Yew stood proud, tall and thick
    Ankerwycke

  • Mr. Darcy
    5 years ago, updated 5 years ago

    my attempts:

    6

    bird song (haibun)

    Along the frosty, crisp pickled perambulating path,

    I stop.

    A sound?

    I wait…

    like a fluting penny whistle slicing the winter wind, messages of hope are sent…

    winter wind brings
    the robin's long song

    warming my heart

    6b

    bird - song - sweet (trois-par-huit)

    there upon
    a morning mist… a song
    that drifts, consists of melody bliss

    …revives my being alive, with a daybreak kiss
    a fairy tale, retell, a timing, rhyming wish

    to hold within my soul, your replete
    rolling gossamer sheet:
    bird - song - sweet

  • Kitty Cat Lady
    5 years ago

    All fab so far! I want to try but I'll have to come back to this when I get a mo x
    =^.^=

  • Darren
    5 years ago

    well done everybody so far, great efforts.

    both of these are forms I have never attempted before so I couldn't delve into the doldrums.

  • Mr. Darcy replied to Darren
    5 years ago

    I love to delve. Like you, I found nothing but cobwebs and some half eaten, fluff covered toffees.

  • Hellon
    5 years ago

    Darren and Michael (Mr.D) do you plan on adding to your Haibun? I don't mean right now..but in the future? Will you follow your chosen subject to see the progression/regression?

  • Darren replied to Hellon
    5 years ago

    i may do, need to look at the form a bit more first.

  • Larry Chamberlin
    5 years ago, updated 5 years ago

    Sorry for coming late to the party. Here is my offering:

    Lady of the Lines (haibun)

    In a South Peruvian desert, leaving no codex, pre-Incan Nazcans carved hundreds of permanent shapes - geometrical, creatures, plants - on which archaeologist Maria Reiche spent her lifetime earnings to extol preservation. UNESCO and Peru now protect her legacy.

    Standing on ladders
    woman expressed profound lines
    ancient people spoke

  • Larry Chamberlin
    5 years ago, updated 5 years ago

    And a Trois-par-Huit

    Mandela Mandala - The Unmoved

    Much patience
    met by opposition
    as society turns against you

    harsh waves continually break confident soul
    sand beneath your feet is dragged out to hungry sea

    until you settle on sound hard clay
    so in the end remain
    the unmoved

  • Mr. Darcy replied to Hellon
    5 years ago

    Yes,,I plan to cover the other seasons.

  • Hellon replied to Larry Chamberlin
    5 years ago

    Larry...can you have another look at the rules for a Trois-par-Huit.

    http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/troisparhuit.html

  • Larry Chamberlin replied to Hellon
    5 years ago

    totally ignored the rhyme scheme! Wow. Mind is still in free fall.

  • Larry Chamberlin
    5 years ago

    Okay 2nd try on the Trois-par-Huit

    Of One Will

    Intertwined
    desires fully aligned
    where you end perhaps I do begin

    closer you are now to me than a conjoined twin
    we don’t even mind that we share what we have been

    inseparable and yet equal
    we are our own sequel
    of one will

  • Larry Chamberlin
    5 years ago

    And revised the first disaster:

    Mandela

    Suspicion
    met by opposition
    lock you away on an island hole

    harsh waves break incessant against this captain’s soul
    sand underfoot dragged out to hungry sea takes toll.

    Still you dance to beat of your kwela
    non-violent fellah
    Mandela