Hair flowing in ways serpentine;
how I long for that touch sweet as wine
on a warm summer evening. Red like her lips. Desperate...my disproportionate thoughts
hold me back - make me less of a man and yet
still the flame burns within. At bay but never at rest,
the sheer bliss of a love so great that the gods of old teem with envy; slavering and spending energy,
they send wanton misfortune my way in the form of self-pity and anxiety. Worry that should I behold
this endless beauty, I will inevitably end up losing it.
Such a simple task, looking at her. Just as simple
is the task of speech. But it is daunting
and each day that goes by a shadow
grows from the corner of my room, subliminal...
ever so sweet. From up above one might swear
that the world harbors beauty and kindness.
From under a shroud it looks malicious, sparing
not one person from its cruel and spiteful ways.
The girl with the serpentine hair; she laughs
and smiles her way through life. Looking at her
is simple. She waves her hands, tosses cares
over her shoulder. She smiles often.
Looking at her is so simple and it settles my soul.
Introducing Stieg Larsson's new book, "The Girl with the Serpentine Hair."
That's the first thing I thought of. The second thing is that, once again, it's like I can't logically understand all the phrases, but it's accessible on a tacit level of understanding. Very odd, very cool.
I edited this comment. Because you can do that, now.
Until I become a professional writer, I am not worried about my writing being comfortable for any of the senses. Even then, I will probably only bend a little bit.
After all, one of my recurring intentions is to spark nerves in one way or another no matter what I'm writing.
Thanks for the input, though. Much appreciated.
8 years ago
Jordan, I really like the detailed descriptions and your eerie style, I mean eerily perfect. One thing maybe, why not divide the piece into several stanzas? It would be, for sure, more comfortable to the eyes.
Anyway, I was enticed by the fervent imagery and the vividness all over. Excellent piece.
8 years ago
My thoughts on this when I first read it is that you are looking at a painting perhaps and you are envious of the happiness and carefree atutude of the person portrayed in it. How confident she looks and maybe she reminds you of someone you know in real life...someone you would like to get to know but...something (your own confidence maybe) is holding you back for....why would she give you a second look?
It's easy to see what you want to see, be it in a portrait or in a person you don't know but you have built a pedestal for...kind of 'like the grass looks greener on the other side' syndrome.
Perhaps my thoughts are totally wrong but...very intriguing just like your wonderful title.