I have for you a gift, a present made of sand. molecules i have collected, glued with stubborn hands. touched with wary heart strings, a pinch of abstract lust. my sweat, my blood, my tears: a collection of what was.
and i placed it in your palms, eyes like nervous pills. pray you swallow easy, so your soul can be fulfilled. offer you my efforts, construct a happy place for you. but your eyes are still so modest, i'm unaware if it will do.
i have slept against your sadness, i have sang your tortured tune. i've danced inside your wisdom, an orchestra not meant for two. i have calmed your stormy heart, like a sailor set for land. i have showered in your worries, felt your love inside my hands.
but i am not the beacon, that keeps bringing you back home. i am the knock upon your door, the unanswered telephone. so i will leave you with this gift, and hope it sets you free: so you are flying with the seagulls, and your mind is set at ease
This is very fine poetry, but I do believe that capitalization is very important, especially at the beginning of each stanza, that would make your poem almost flawless :)
6 years ago
Oh my heavens, when you post new poems I swear my heart soars. You have the most beautiful way of phrasing, and I just love everything about your writing.
I missed your lowercase i's, and appreciate you still use them in moments of insignificance. I have missed your prose with rhyming, and oh the rhyming, how absolutely perfect it flows. I have missed you!
Your style of writing the poem makes me feel like poetry for you is something so effortless, it just flows in a very very smooth way. I am in love with this poem, I can relate I can sense think and sink in your words. The meter of sentences and how you've constructed them is just brilliant I really was not sure how this was going.
the emotions portrayed and what you're feeling reflect in each single line. Your title, Carry On, just caught me straight into clicking, because the verb carry itself holds for me some emotional phase when you carry on, the 1st thing that comes to mind is making a shift from a loss, a sad phase and needing strength to continue. Anyway this was touching and absolutely an excellent piece.
On another note, I was wondering if your use of lowercase for every new sentence was intended ? At some points it helped the flow to just have a shorter pace, at other times it set off the reader.