Morals Magnified (dirty old man)

by Ben Pickard   Jun 11, 2018

Following the river,
I came unto the sea.
I met a sordid man
Who quite disgusted me.

Telescope and leer
Were placed upon his face -
His dribble and his grin
Completed his disgrace.

I knew before I asked
What ruse he was about:
A pervert and a creep -
A wastrel and a lout!

"I say, good fellow, speak:
What is it you espy?
And does your lens betray
The decent, naked eye?"

He seemed to like the sound
Of 'Naked' I presume,
For now he spoke aloud:
"Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom!"

I now began to doubt
His toothless grin was pure -
He spied on pretty girls -
The kind that weren't demure.

"Lookey here, lookey here!"
(he says with too much zest)
"The beach is quite bejeweled
With bottoms and with breasts!"

"Heavens, stop! God, please do!
You have no right to lech."

"I've always liked the girls -
Be them pure or wench!"

And here I must confess,
I've often chanced a look,
But now my cravings were
Confused and quite mistook.

"I will not spy on them,
Though they are pretty, true...
Pass the scope over here
And I will see the blue."


A tale of morals changes now
As things went quite awry:
I couldn't help but sneak a look,
No matter how I tried.

The sea's azure was nice enough,
But flesh is much more fun!
The scope I held alighted on
The ripest boobs and bum.

He cackled, then - he leered and laughed -
My morals broke and flawed.
"Aha, my man - a playboy too!"
He mocked me and guffawed.

But I was taught a lesson hard -
I soon knew right from wrong:
My telescope misplaced a step
And magnified a schlong...


Ben Pickard 2018


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Latest Comments

  • 1 year ago

    by VAHID

    great ending! :D

  • 1 year ago

    by Hellon

    Are you related to Benny Hill in any way? Surely you must be with this very clever piece??? :)

    • 1 year ago

      by Ben Pickard

      No, but he was a funny man, wasn't he?
      Thanks, Hellon

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Many people, myself included, would be shocked at reading this. Not at the content so much, as the guy who wrote such a piece. If you don’t mind me saying, it resembles the kind of humour that would choose to write about. Not that it is like my poems. You have a style of your own and this poem oozes that sae quality that you use in your more formed poetry.

    I literally laughed out loud with this. I read it out loud to Claire, trying to add a suitable uppercass, Jeeves and Wooster type voice to the ‘Lookey here, Lookey here’ lol

    As for the punchline, I never saw that coming (no pun, really!)

    This type of poem, a poem with a moral could be illustrated. I could see it now, even a short animation. Maybe, Pixar will take this on? You could be rich, you hear, RICH!

    Suffice to say, I really enjoyed this.

    Take care.

    • 1 year ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Michael, your comment made me laugh more than my poem made you laugh.

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    Clever Ben, very clever. The moral of your story was what was peering back at you on your last glimpse. Too funny!

  • 1 year ago


    Quite an unusual write for you Ben, instead of "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" You made ; The dirty old man, the Telescope eye, searching for things to grope! Glad the ending brought back the lessons learned by Life's reality, the contrast between good and evil, they repel each other. Glad it was nominated.

    • 1 year ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thanks, Ken. Yes, I like to think there's a moral in there somewhere.

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