Comments : I wonder, now and then

  • 3 months ago

    by Jamie

    I will come back to comment proper when i can. This is great.

    • 3 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      STAR and Dagmar - thanks for reading and your comments.

  • 3 months ago

    by Star

    Sometimes people throw words that they dont realize how hurting they could be to others, even if they seem normal at times. I can relate to this. And I like how honest it is :)

  • 3 months ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Oh Ben the truth so well spoken. All the very best to you as always

  • 3 months ago

    by Brenda

    Well said Ben...I totally felt your feelings..well done-

  • 3 months ago

    by Jamie

    The second time I read this poem I drew an idea of what this could be about (in a general term). I think in poetry we can never truly understand why a person wrote something. But the wording here to me is great. In the first stanza you set this up to be a kind of a campfire story and that in itself is unique. I have never seen a poem do that before, and I as the reader want to hear an actual story. But this all sets up nicely because you kind of take us through a part of the life of a person and the struggles they have well struggled with. The emotion I really got from this is anxiety sprinkled with depression. And it seems to me that life has beaten this person down so much that they are now pleading with anyone to help them and bring them peace. Your journey is sad however the ending kind of brings a calmness to the whole poem. there is a hope that this person can keep going and they will find peace.

    There are a couple of stumbles I had with the poem itself.

    In the first stanza 4th line I had to read it a few times to get through it. I think it is the word "beat" I just don't think it really fits. of course that is just my opinion.

    I paused at the last stanza because there was no first and third line rhyming and it didn't flow with the rest of the poem. Just a small nitpick. but this poem is great otherwise because of the wording and emotion you poured into it.

    • 3 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Great comment, Jamie. Yes, 'arms' and 'calm' is a half rhyme so I understand your stumble. Sometimes half rhymes are the only way to stop the poem sounding forced so I would rather that than look for a perfect rhyme that doesn't fit.

      Take care and thank you for this

  • 3 months ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    The first thing this made me think of is the way humans can tear down one another at the mention of something not so "saintly" they've done. I've been guilty of it. Of wanting to "drop" a person or thinking of them differently when they make a mistake, when they stumble on their journey. But for me, that comes from a place of self-righteous, because I used to be a shell of a person and somehow I now would not be proud of. And the world can condemn us just like that. I think it's intent though that changes things, if we have the intent to do better and learn. To grow, not stay stagnant. That shows our truth.

    Reading again, you mentioned shame, and there's the realization of a burden we all carry. And who would we be if we were all up in arms at the slightest mention of this burden? We can become so numb to the hurt, so deep in the abyss that we just want to be given the time to be understood.

    That's what I took from this piece but I will definitely rrad again later this week. Loved the imagery and depth of this. Thanks for sharing!