Can you see me up there, on top of a cloud,
I'm floating above you
around and around and I'm not coming down
listen closely -
adhere to the sound -
of this, my confession, of all of my guilt -
I've worn what was sharp right down to the hilt
and now I'm a knight whose maiden has gone,
who's singing a hopeless and monotone song
I dream in the day,
I dream in the night,
I dream of a time when this is alright;
when angels and heaven and halos and such
have shown themselves and won back my trust
on top of my head -
all through the day and when I'm in bed!
When I'm in bed,
I've already said!
To misery, coupled - to hopelessness, wed...
Into the realms of dread I have travelled
and now all the threads of my mind are unravelled
unravelled, I've travelled, and so do I still,
despite being loveless and desperately ill.
I can quicken the pace
and make it all seem
that all of the nightmares
and all of the dreams
are nothing but that -
just mirage and thoughts -
but that will not fix
and will not abort
the fact that they leave me alone and upset -
filled with remorse and seething regret
I'm still on that cloud, spinning around;
perhaps when it rains, I'll have to come down
I remember when you originally posted this back in 2018. I fell in love with it instantly. Then at some point I realized it was not in your profile anymore. Glad you re-posted it Ben. Definitely one of my faves from you.
I had to nominate because you're just so damn good regardless of what you're writing about it seems to always mirror my 'mood'
Absolutely love this 'head in the clouds' piece... I guess depression (if I'm correct) sorry of does that to us.
Best wishes x
I keep re-reading this! It's something that feels so different from you, but has a great deal of layers to it. It reads almost as sing-songy, and the rhyme makes it seem like such an easy flowing poem, but there's a heaviness to it.
It makes me think of being caught up in our own thoughts, then completely in their reins, and we question the reality before us that doesn't seem tangible. I am a terrible over-thinker, and I have had to basically re-wire and re-teach myself that everything I feel guilty for usually hasn't hurt others, I just am thinking of ways I could have done better. I felt the pressure of guilt here, the way it's traveled with you, regrets too, and we can think and think of every "should of" and "could of" for eternity, but we will have traveled nowhere new.