Comments : As Once I Ran To You

  • 2 months ago

    by Liz

    Love every bit of this.

  • 2 months ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I'm simply in love with how this poem opened, and my apologies if a lot of my thoughts seem all over the place!

    I adore poems that ask questions and in these first two, it speaks of a plea to be completely detached from this person, from their hold on you, though it isn't physical anymore. A cry and desire to be an individual. Separate. Unaffected by them.

    The juxtaposition of the ragged mountains vs the freshly cut grass, and the illusion that all can believe in or follow, is neat. It's jolting when we realize the harshness of reality. The imagery in this, overall, is haunting, and speaks to that desire and the weight of loss love.

    "and I no longer frozen
    felt the true touch of another"

    - Perhaps, I read this too fast but it seems awkward to me? Like a pause could be needed, a comma after frozen or like "and I, no longer frozen". I'm not a fan of the "true touch", as I feel"true" sounds a bit cliche and doesn't strengthen what you're trying to get across. Maybe something more impactful to comment on the sincerity of touch, now that you really have experienced it.

    "It’s said all rivers run to the sea;
    (as once I ran to you)"

    - Two lines that are simple yet provoking. This whole poem speaksof maturity through loss and the process of grieving them even. I think we all have that person we once ran to, and maybe gave them more power and control than we should have, or idolized them and anchored ourselves to them too often.

    That pondering at the end, the sense of betrayal, of seeing someone for who they are and their toxicity or cruelty... when humans shouldn't act like that. When love, isn't like that. And the realizations that you deserve better, that you have a future without them in it and it may just be alright.

    Now one of my favorites! Can't wait to read more of your work. Welcome to PnQ :)

    • 2 months ago

      by Lost star

      Thank you so much for taking the time to look so far into this poem, I really appreciate it!

  • 2 months ago

    by Milly Hayward

    The title sets up imediately the tone of this poem which depicts the emotional torrants that still beset the character on bumping into a lost love. Millyx

    • 2 months ago

      by Lost star

      Thank you i'm really glad you like it :)

  • 2 months ago

    by Everlasting

    For some unknown, your writing style sounds familiar. Do we know each other? I like the poem.

  • 2 months ago

    by Star

    Congratulations on your win !!!

  • 2 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    This is a truly exceptional piece of writing.
    Congratulations.

  • 2 months ago

    by Gracy Judith

    Beautifully penned! Congratulations on the win.