Comments : A Lot Of Nerve

  • 4 months ago

    by Skyfire

    Love the use of the repeated rhyme throughout each line!

  • 4 months ago

    by Emi

    Hi Ben, this poem as ever is fantastic and just slides off the tongue and the rhyming in this is astounding, as ever.
    The title could amount to anything as in you've got a nerve to ask or something you shouldn't or it could be that your unnerved by something but trying your hardest not to show it or even someone has betrayed you and they're trying to pass blame to make themselves feel better; it's unclear without reading the poem itself.

    I wear your fingerprints on my lips,
    and you have mine on your hips
    What a fascinating start.. It makes me wonder why these fingerprints are there and what they are resembling. Although for some reason it makes me wonder if you're both trying to hold on to each other for dear life, through thick and thin even though you both know there's no future there.

    I have relapsed - am relapsing -
    because what we had is collapsing
    and the pain is exacting but trying
    not to cry does not stop me crying and
    These lines tell me that my thought of you both trying to hold on is right and it hurts like hell when there's nothing left but you want to prove people wrong (even yourself at times), I've been there, done that but let me tell you this: trying to keep up the pretence is harder than letting go.

    the light of the morning still finds me mourning
    Beggars wear the clothes that I used to wear
    As they caught me staring, caring and unaware
    of the lair that you had me stumbling into
    when the skies were blue and I was in love with you
    They always say it's worse at night, lonelier in fact and more often than not it is but when you're with someone and they're 'slipping away' from infront of your very eyes it makes even the daylight hours unbearable. There's something about these lines that made the hairs at the back of my neck stand up though I cannot put my finger on it but they do say that love changes us, sometimes for the worse but usually for the better.

    Now, like a stone, I am sinking, and the links in my fragile chain
    rust away in acidic rain so I have nothing to lose,
    and nothing to prove and this life that is new to me
    will be the death of me and relieve me of my misery
    This part really slips off the tongue especially when read aloud. I like the imagery here too of you (or a person) morphing into a stone to get out of this sordid situation and as you're doing so you tell yourself that you've nothing left to lose or prove so may aswell change tactics, so to speak. It also shows that putting on a bravado only makes things worse, we never realise that until it's too late.

    So pretty, with so much nerve, and each of the roads
    you laid for me curved - swerved - and entirely unnerved me
    And while I was a fool, you were overly cruel and I
    do not wish you half the fortune you pretended to wish me
    This reminds me of a relationship I was in.. It was all fine and dandy in the 'honeymoon period' I fell in love with his charm and what he had to offer (even though it wasn't much but was enough for me) we had plans, a future together and moved in than bam things seemed to change overnight and it got too heavy, too quickly and soon turned volatile. It's like, as my mother always said, you don't truly know someone until you're living under the same roof.

    Take care Ben, I truly hope this isn't real and just another one of your nightly pieces you have to get up and scribe. Although, I guess I could be completely wrong in my analysis.

    Em xx
    If I could nominate it, I would.

    • 4 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Em, that is possibly the very best comment I have ever recieved.

  • 4 months ago

    by Maple Tree

    Ok this poem flowed like a river, bending and turning in numerous directions, I loved it!!!!!

  • 4 months ago

    by Lost star

    This is so relatable, your conveyance of what many have felt is both beautifully (but sadly) written. Read aloud this has a masterful flow. Perfectly crafted.

  • 4 months ago

    by C Cattaway

    You had me hooked from the first word.
    Truly outstanding! Well done.
    Catherine x

  • 4 months ago

    by Brenda

    Damn Ben! This is amaze-balls! Congratulations on your front page win! Well deserved. The flow is smooth like water, your writting never wavers...

  • 4 months ago

    by Rowena Smith

    This poem is well writtten and captured me from the get go. Brilliant.

  • 4 months ago

    by Kasie

    Congrats on your win! This was a pleasure to read. It flowed so well.