Crumbs! Pesky mice or hungry parents! :))
Nicely done M :)

Hello,

You know I like these. No, not mice, unless they are named, 'Jerry' aka 'Tom and...' Keira, ask dad, if you need context. Lol

Nice start, a 5 syllable word.
I have a suggestion for line 2. If you substituted, 'that are' for ' keep on' this will lead nicely into the, punch line.
Title: for me, this is often a line worth using. It can, if pulled off right, complete the loop. If I may make a suggestion on your dad's excellent title. Title: ' oh, and crackers' this would mean, the last line and title flow seamlessly together.

Nice work, Keira. Remember, these are just suggestions, the poem works ok without them.

Take care.

In a traditional senryu it deals with human emotions and feelings. I love this because the very first word is almost onomatopoeic and that in itself should be praised because you let the reader know right away the feeling of the author themselves, you are infuriated. Such a perfect word to use for upset or angry and it fits perfectly well into the first line. But you must keep going on the second and third line to describe what is making you mad.

I chuckled at the next two lines because they are funny and great. They also fit perfectly within the poem itself. The whole poem tells a profound story about a mouse or mice that keep stealing your cheese and from the wording they are not your pets but just there sneaking around eating cheese and whatever they can find.

This is just personal preference but i think the poem would flow better without the comma in the first line. The title fits the poem well because i can see a little kid observing the mice as they sneak around.

Genuinely excellent poem.

Lol, this made me chuckle and it is completely identifiable! Great little Senryu!

Nicely penned Keira!

Nicely penned my dear I liked the image and it made me smile as I thought of Tom & Jerry! Keep penning!

This is excellent :)

Thank you all so much!

Cheese and crackers and a nice glass of wine...
Perhaps without vermin poo on top.

A very well done.

I wish I could blame a mouse for all the cheese disappearing in my house. Well done! A deserved win :)

congratulations - it just shows you, great things come in small packages!

Well done young lady! Congratulations on your win!

Well done young Keira on your first win, with a clever little piece (like the cheese :) M

Haha, Thank you all so much!