Toxic

by Mimi   Dec 2, 2020


I have to say before we start
That I will tear your life apart
It won't take long for you to fall
For all my lies, however small
I won't be there at your every call
In fact, I won't love you at all

I plan to come on horse with shield
A smile, a grin - weapons concealed
And you'll be the happiest you've ever known
Then soon enough you call me "home"
Not knowing that you'll be all alone
And too scared to pick up your own phone

Yes, I should warn you - I lie a lot
I'll make things up and claim you forgot
You'll question things you know are real
Things you thought were no big deal
I'll take your joy; your memories I'll steal
I'll dictate what you think and feel

Let me assure you - I'm never wrong
Despite the words that fall from my tongue
"That didn't happen, I never said that"
I'll make up things and call them facts
You'll be nothing but my doormat
Always on edge, you'll never relax.

You'll shut your mouth with one stern look
Your phone will be ringing off the hook
Because I'll need to know you're always there
You text tone will be your worst nightmare
I'll even make you dye your hair
And pick out all the clothes you wear

Your social life I'll entirely kill
You can make something up. Tell them you're ill
Your mom and dad, you can count them out
I want to be what your entire life is about
And every single day I'll give myself reason to shout
Only then will you start to get your doubts

So then I'll have to up my game
And things will never be the same
I will kick and punch, bite and slap
Claiming it was just a tap
"You're overreacting, it was just a mishap"
"If only you'd shut your stupid trap"

Oh yes, it will be down to you
I'll say I hate something you do
And you'll feel guilty for your own bruises and cuts
It's all your fault. No ifs or buts
It wouldn't have happened if you'd just shut up
Cry it out quietly if you really must

You need to start perfecting your lies
When people ask you about your eyes
Your busted lips and swollen nose
Your ribs are fine - no one will see those
The bloodied ears, the forehead blows
"I walked into a door" or so it goes

You'll lose all of your self-esteem
And realize we were never a team
I'll make you believe no one will ever want you
I'll flatten all confidence you ever grew
I'll take away everything you ever knew
And you'll do whatever I tell you to do

It will all happen too fast for you to see
Soon enough, you'll worship me
You'll be my pet, so get inline
Tell everyone you're doing just fine
I've written your fate, you'll happily sign
You belong to me. Your soul is mine

~

A poem written from the point of view of an abuser

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