the great owl cries,
the wind is howling.
Silver streams flow at night
and the stars glitter brightly
through the charcoal clouds that litter
the big, deep, grey sky that they roam through.
All is so quiet... It's dark, yet peaceful.
Keira Pickard, 2021
*Dad taught us this form for
home schooling and this is my
Finding and attempting forms for the first time is quite exciting! I read this and smiled, because this is a great exercise and a great etheree. I've missed challenging myself on forms and seeing what works and what doesn't.
Best parts to me: your use of "laments", I find it such a poetic word and one that holds such depth. I also loved the "silver streams" and "charcoal clouds". Fantastic imagery here! Your use of "litter" was interesting, because it's often a word that I read in almost a negative light. And here, I took it as describing its presence being everywhere, not something you can stop.
My only critique really is the last two lines. I felt "big, deep, grey sky" felt a bit too simplistic if that makes sense, and using "through" again maybe added to the line not flowing well enough for me. The last line read like an appreciation of the simple things, the peaceful night, and almost like an exhale, a way to relax and just live in the present moment of the quiet night. On the other hand, I felt a little let down because it relied on describing, when your earlier lines did more showing rather than telling, and put me in the atmosphere. It DID "close" the piece so to speak, I just thought it wasn't as strong as it could have been. Just my opinion though, I enjoyed this poem nonetheless and can't wait for you to share more!