Comments : A Night Scene (etheree)

  • 3 days ago

    by Ben Pickard

    What you failed to mention is that I gave you a D- for it. :)
    Lovely work. I wouldn't necessarily have started each new line with a capital as I find it somewhat distracting in these smaller, delicate forms. Your choice though, of course. Not like you listen to me about anything else...

    Love Dad

    • 3 days ago

      by Keira Pickard

      Ha,ha, very funny. Thank you otherwise, though! You're probably right about the capital letters - and the not listening to you part :)

    • 3 days ago

      by CJ Maleney

      Harsh teacher me thinks! Oops is sir gonna tell me off for the incorrect use of language and being grammatically horrendous lol ;)

  • 3 days ago

    by CJ Maleney

    This is amazing.

    Ben is a genius when it comes to poems and format. However this is your work and your thoughts and as such it's gorgeous.

    Regards

  • 3 days ago

    by Maple Tree

    Hello Keira,

    Beautiful Etheree-

    I have written many of these and I love love love this form.
    I agree with your Dad, that the capitol letters in each line are
    not needed, however I would not have given you a D- ha, I would have give you an A- :-) So make him change your grade for me please! (Ben seriously hike that grade up lol )

    Nature owls and glitter all in one poem had me at the first line... truly love this piece!

  • 3 days ago

    by Star

    A D-? May I know why lol? But tough teachers get the best of you!! I really enjoyed this :)

  • 3 days ago

    by Emi

    Beautiful xx

    • 3 days ago

      by Ben Pickard

      I should point out to all that I was joking about the D - thing!

  • 3 days ago

    by Keira Pickard

    Haha, thank you, everyone!

  • 2 days ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    The great owl cries, "Be careful, you're standing on my foot!"

    Etheree is a good form, it's versatile and pleasing to the eye. Well done on this, your first one!

  • 2 days ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Finding and attempting forms for the first time is quite exciting! I read this and smiled, because this is a great exercise and a great etheree. I've missed challenging myself on forms and seeing what works and what doesn't.

    Best parts to me: your use of "laments", I find it such a poetic word and one that holds such depth. I also loved the "silver streams" and "charcoal clouds". Fantastic imagery here! Your use of "litter" was interesting, because it's often a word that I read in almost a negative light. And here, I took it as describing its presence being everywhere, not something you can stop.

    My only critique really is the last two lines. I felt "big, deep, grey sky" felt a bit too simplistic if that makes sense, and using "through" again maybe added to the line not flowing well enough for me. The last line read like an appreciation of the simple things, the peaceful night, and almost like an exhale, a way to relax and just live in the present moment of the quiet night. On the other hand, I felt a little let down because it relied on describing, when your earlier lines did more showing rather than telling, and put me in the atmosphere. It DID "close" the piece so to speak, I just thought it wasn't as strong as it could have been. Just my opinion though, I enjoyed this poem nonetheless and can't wait for you to share more!

  • 20 hours ago

    by hiraeth

    Beautifully written!