Hello Ben, starting a poem with a limber up is thoughtful. A tongue twister leading into a peek at at the long time dead moon, then straight to wee shriveled, pink cutie new boy; only to go to ground and rise like a bed sheet swan song that finally soaks into eternal ether.
Hi Ben, firstly glad to see this nominated.
I love the contrast in the title in the words "treacherous symphonies" because treacherous points to feelings of guilt or deception whereas symphonies usually sooth a person so I was intrigued to see what the piece was actually about especially with the title.
The wails were all:
the wailing wind and my wails -
that I should shield myself from
the moon so long,
for it is the moon that outshines the sun -
the night that outshines the day -
in the very end.
I like the beginning here, it's quite enthralling and makes me, atleast, as the reader want to read on.... I think what are you talking about Sir Pickard lol.. I think, its one of your nightly ramblings, we're you up and down with this one? I kid. I only ask because of the format, it's as thouh the "oh" is an afterthought, no, not an afterthought, possibly another person speaking. I hope that makes sense. I like the imagery you portray in this first part of the moon outshining the sun, I have to say, I do much prefer the moon to the sun probably why I'm such a night owl ha.
I, too, came pink and crying into this untamed world,
snaking through the cracks and the treacherous gaps,
through which we all descend again -
in the very end.
The words you use in this part for example "untamed," "snaking" and "cracks," all tell me that this life has not been an easy one for you, like for many of us and especially in the pandemic, you have probably been questioning many things but I know for definite you will, like me, count your blessings every single day as you've a lovely family especially if they're anything like you. - of subject I know but it's the truth.
And the light and symphonies that soaked my senses
as I snaked up from eternal oblivion! - the fresh fallen
rain on peat that serenaded each breath that was inhaled...
blasted mirages, all.
Absolutely love the imagery in this part.. I just imagine you are gardening, so that the sun in getting to you, making you sweat and that this in turn is making you delusional then bam you're back form your 'eternal oblivion' because sun turns to rain as usual in Britain and..... You're back in the room; just like that.
Now, at the very end, like some awful wondering ghost,
with wailings that wind around my dissipating lungs and squeeze,
I sink again,
at the very end,
into the ether from whence I came.
The ending, is quite morbid even if it is truthful because we all, unfortunately, end up in the same why but you put it in such a poet way that my heart literally stopped beating and I had to take a deep breath.
You always have such a way with words that i just can't stop reading, even if I wanted to.
I hope you and you're family are staying safe,