I had to return to this and read it aloud, as this really is the only way to test the stresses. I am impressed and know that, with your guide, your future sonnets will also impress. My only stumbling line is in the 12th: "...warmth comes vibrant growth" This twists the tongue a little, which tells me it's not quite right. I have given this some thought and here is a revision for you to consider, it may even lead you to your own?
With sunny days and warmth produces growth.
My first sonnets were abysmal, all i knew was that i wanted to be able to write in this classical form, but i didn't understand the form, and so wrote naively for many years. Today, i appreciate the form, and yet still struggle. I wish i had a teacher like your dad, who applies himself, learning from the greats - he is wonderful role model. He is opening the door to a Narnia type world that can, if you want, make your own. Like all role models, they have flaws, but life is all about being the best version of you, and like writing sonnets, they come with time.
Thank you so much! I doubt they were 'abysmal', though I do love that word :)
At first, the line was going to be
with sunny days and hope comes lovely growth
But Dad suggested that this was off and could be rewritten better. I then changed it to the way it is now. I'll definitely give it some thought, so thank you for your suggestion and alternative which I might just snatch, lol. Thank you again!
Hi, Keira the title 'light after the dark' really struck a cord with me at present because I'm going through a tough time at present but I smile and count my blessings regardless because that's all you can do really, isn't it? Aslong as you keep your positivity even if somedays are harder than others, sorry I digress.
The golden sun has come around again
and now it filters through the cloudy sky.
It celebrates the icy winter's end;
the trees can blossom and the birds can fly.
A wonderful opening stanza, I love the idea of the sun 'celebrating the icy winter's end' it's such a perfect image although, I wish that the sun would shine abit more here as the storms we've had over in the North West have been horrendous and made it feel like winter all over again added to having raynauds disease has made it feel 100xs worse.
The flowers are upon the hills and grass
to garnish all the streets and countryside.
The coldest days have started flying past
and animals and creatures start to thrive.
This stanza is the most perfect, in my eyes with metre and what not and I applaud you for it as I've never been able to get my head around these at all, no matter how much I try. It is also my favourite with the imagery as I like all those that you portray. That the flowers are overtaking all that's bad with the world and in all honesty when the flowers start to bloom and the sun starts to shine, I atleast, begin to feel one hell of alot happier that's for certain.
The season's changes always switch around -
this summer brings a brighter light with hope.
It beckons life to break the frosty ground.
With sunny days and warmth comes vibrant growth.
Yes, seasons change alot and I think these seasons can be seen as our moods too because they change I've found depending on the weather aswell as other things that we are, ofcourse going through. Love the image of 'vibrant growth' that's my fave!
The darkness, ice and death was pushed away,
replaced with perfect sun and happy days.
A perfect summary, just my opinion... Of our blessings; that we're still alive, outweighing the bad of what the last year and abit has sent for us all and given us with covid because although it's been darkness and death we've squashed it with it now replacing it with sun and looking forward to the days ahead of us.
What a fantastic sonnet. Watch out Daddy dearest is all I can say ;)
Firstly, thank you so much for your amazing comment, which I praised before I'd even read it fully, lol. I really appreciate it.
Secondly, I'm sorry you're suffering so much at the moment, whether from disease or life in general. I really enjoyed your insight in this, and thank you so much!X