Comments : Rectify.

  • 3 months ago

    by Em

    I WILL COME BACK AND COMMENT PROPERLY.... the caps is for my benefit.. Take care

  • 3 months ago

    by Em

    Hello, the title 'Rectify.' seems like a final statement as in that there are a lot of things that need rectifying so you just need to say that to be clear to yourself that the past is just that but that things need to change from here on out but its easier said than done isn't it? We can't just switch our past minds off and not think about what's happened in the past as it's what shapes our future.

    for a moment there it seemed
    the world was clear as ice
    and maybe you
    loved me better
    but perhaps i made love to you
    better than them
    ^
    A good opening. I love the idea of the world being 'as clear as ice' so that we could read it like a book sort of thing then we'd know when natural disasters were about to happen and some how stop them and be able to end world poverty anyway I digress... Wouldn't it just be perfect if we were able to her what we wanted when we wanted so we didn't have to suffer heartache or anything else that warped our self image of ourselves, hopefully that makes sense.

    for a moment there
    it felt like
    you saw me for who i am
    addition and subtraction
    tying knots
    falling for you harder then
    i fell out of the closet
    ^
    I like the repetition here it adds to the yearning within the piece. For someone to see us who we really are shows a deep love but is extremely rare on all honesty, isn't it? To find someone like this again, is rare but when it happens will be amazing.
    Is there a typo with 'then' should it be 'than' or are the last two lines here separate so it's correct? I got a little confused there so your clarification would be great =)

    no one asks for this
    picking pennies off sidewalk
    daydreaming of winter smiles
    your head resting
    on my shoulder
    i want these visions
    out of my head
    ^
    The images here are amazing so I ask why would you want these visions out of your head because they're beautiful ones that's for sure but I guess if they're not returned then it would be bittersweet also, I know that feeling.

    trying to reclaim the parts of me
    i lent to you
    rectify the holes in my life
    that just aren’t healing
    all while you sit
    testing your claws on me
    shameful that i would
    let you again
    shameful how
    i care for you still
    ^
    This hit me hard because I have recently been going through a divorce from a man who was abusive and controlling and I decided to date again after 2 years and I got speaking to a man that was lovely, we met and well, we said we'd like to see each other again and he's now just not talking to me even though I helped him the past month control his bpd and I am ashamed to say I'd help him again, I really would as I wouldn't care about my holes being filled, my mood being low
    when all is said etc this is the best stanza for me, relatable and raw and I have to admit I shed a tear because of how relatable it was.

    and all is done
    i want you to be happy
    i just want your smile
    to fill the room
    ^
    I absolutely love this ending it just shows what a wonderful person you are (and I don't know you) because no matter what you've been through or are going through you want this person to smile, even if they've hurt you as you care about them and you'd do anything to make them happy for you 'want their smile to fill the room.' This is just a beautiful ending.
    Nominated,
    Take care, Em xx

  • 3 months ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Congratulations!

  • 3 months ago

    by hiraeth

    Congrats!

  • 2 months ago

    by Meena Krish

    There are many eye catching lines you've penned and so vivid too, entwined with your feelings. You've given all of you to another with faith yet the other doesn't reciprocate; and your poor heart still yearns and wants all because you want to see the other person smile...but at what cost...?

    A touching write with vivid imagery. Congrats on the win!