Comments : Facts.

  • 11 months ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Wonderful, just wonderful! I like how you've composed this, very clever!

  • 11 months ago

    by Em

    Hi Kellie,
    The title 'fact' could make this piece about anything really but I like how you choose your titles to truly relate to the subject and this is no different.

    did you know
    the heart of a blue whale
    weighs 400 pounds
    platypus have no stomach
    octopus have three hearts
    but i cant speak
    This I have to say was fascinating and I truly didn't know. I like how you linked all their fascinating facts to the fact you're unable to speak although I'm not sure if that's a fact in you just being speechless because of something that happened or because you truly cannot speak, I'm guessing my first guess is the correct one but 'being mute' (please excuse me, I don't mean it in a bad way) is majestic in itself for I imagine the other senses are heighten abit like when something is blind or deaf... If that makes sense.

    all i know is the human heart
    weighs ten ounces
    blood vessels as long
    as the sea
    Love the connection between sea and blood vessels, it makes us sound so intriguing to have something so long within us when as humans we're not really much.

    nothing can really capture
    how we fell together
    or why we fell together
    or what really happened
    and i certainly don’t have
    the words to begin to try
    There seems to be a real sense of longing here and the words you chose make me believe this wasn't meant to be and like many things if you're not searching for it, it l shows up: love is much the same.

    but for a moment
    between my eyelashes
    tickling your neck
    and the giggles you shushed
    so that no one could hear
    i thought there could be
    a substantial something in
    all of that mess we’d created
    Wow, this made me gasp and wonder why giggles were shushed but I guess, it's because this love was a secret and none of you saw it coming so you wanted to know before anybody got hurt or found out, whether this was real or just a 'fling.'

    and i didn’t miss you
    you were real for a moment
    in tangled limbs and
    the result of what happens
    when you cram loneliness
    and broken hearts
    together in one room
    Cramming loneliness and broken hearts into a room shows that you were both feeling weak and didn't have much strength to carry on until you found each other and then life got that bit easier even if not much because you had someone by your side but sometimes these things complicate things/life more and we often come out of them feeling even more lonely or broken hearted.

    you were real for a moment
    and for a moment so was i
    so now i miss you
    and for a moment
    it was us
    As I said previously, neither was looking for the other, it just happened but now you're full of regret because it didn't turn out how you'd like it and I totally relate to this as many of us can here, this is where beautiful poetry is genuinely made through heartbreak and loneliness. We just need to be a better version of ourselves not become bitter and although there's a sense of pinging here that you wish things had turned out differently, there's also a sense of knowing you can't change things and you seem to have found a bit more strength within yourself because of it.

    but did you know that
    a broken ten ounces
    weighs much more than
    400 pounds
    oh no?
    neither did i
    This is a truly hard hitting ended and I gasped for breath as I read the last words. It's as if you've come to the realisation this wasn't a good idea after all but it doesn't make it any less painful.

    Take care,
    Em x

  • 10 months ago

    by Lena