Comments : Straw.

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Kelie, I must admit that I love how you make your titles and how they link in to your pieces, always this is no exception. Just a question, do you write the piece the come up with the title like me or does it just all seem to go together anyway? I'm just curious.

    thank you for
    teaching me
    that i am just
    like a
    camels hump -
    storing resource for
    the long haul
    making sure to
    survive the year
    ^
    This is a truly unique way to start a piece in my opinion and one that makes me as a reader to continue reading. The way you explain yourself like a camels back is interesting and although sombre in more ways than one, it's fascinating; truly. I feel a sense of regret in this piece that you hadn't realised this to be true until this person taught it to you, probably, unfortunately, through breaking your precious heart.

    but who says
    what’s better
    and how do we know
    when our goose
    has truly
    been cooked
    ding ding ding -
    146 degrees
    thank you for
    the burning
    inside of
    myself
    ^
    I love this because to me it screams out you weren't ready for what happened hence the 'the goose truly been cooked' line as this says that to me but the ending here I love more because it says 'yes, you've hurt me but I'm not letting it pull me down anymore, enough is truly enough now so suit yourself if you don't want me because enough is enough and I'm worth more than that' and good on you if this is true because you are worth so much more.

    fold into
    the forgetting
    i’m a cashew cast
    to the sand
    drink your wine with
    your worry
    continue being
    the thinning straw
    that broke this
    camels back
    ^
    This I have to admit, made me speechless; just wow. People come into our lives, some to teach us lessons and some as they're blessings.

    Take care,
    Em xx

    • 1 year ago

      by Prophecies In Kodak

      I write the poem and then choose the keyword I think will be the most influential for how the poem is perceived but not necessarily entirely based upon. I think a title should be as good/strong as a beginning and end! Thank you for reading and another lovely comment!