My mind has been at war,
My memories blurry,
My heart tender and sore.
I used to give it all -
my blood, my sweat, my tears,
I used to love so hard,
way beyond my years.
I used to treasure you,
them - my family,
I just wish you could understand,
I wish you could see -
No one knows what's in my heart,
I hid it all away, from the very start.
The abuse, the pain, the nightmares -
I smiled with joy and hid my fears.
Protecting my loved ones, I fell behind...
turns out protecting you, made me lose my mind.
Overlooked, you missed the signs
but I'm supposed to move on,
apparently all wounds...
simply heal with time.
These ones, they don't -
I'm sorry dear aunt.
I wish I could return,
but I simply can't....
This was such an emotionally vulnerable piece, but also, emotionally insightful, especially the above line. These verses were so personal, and I felt the impact of the hurt, and the pain of returning, or pretending all is normal. I took it as hiding a secret or keeping yourself from sharing what you feel, in order to not let it affect the ones you love and don't want to feel an ounce of what you do, yet isolating and keeping it inside is far too heavy of a burden. I also see it as someone who likes to simply put a band-aid over your wounds, instead of taking accountability and acknowledging that it's not an easy matter of letting go or getting over it. The signs mentioned here made me think of those we care for who refuse to see our pain and suffering, maybe they don't look closely enough, maybe it isn't so obvious (since so many of us smile and hide what we truly feel), but maybe they also don't want to acknowledge its existence too.