This is like the core of what I have felt, and I don't doubt, many others have felt similarly too... especially (as mentioned in the mental health thread), having people come and go out out of your lives because of you just trying to get by.
This really rang true, in an uncomfortable way yet needed way (for some who don't want to see things for how they are, or who would rather pretend everything's fine). I've found it rare when people actually do mean what they say in terms of, "how are you?", those who will really listen if things aren't great and don't expect you to brush it aside and act like it's no concern.
The last lines are my favorite. How I wish I could tell others it can be incredibly hard to articulate into words how I'm feeling. Writing helps that, to form the words, but fear of someone growing impatient with me, bulldozing over my words, not letting me finish... all of that holds me back in some way. Silences can be crucial. Waiting with a person, just being near them, not pressuring them to speak if they're not ready. In my experience, when I was at my lowest and literally couldn't speak, having someone sit in the same room with me was super helpful. Someone I trusted. Someone who would let me feel everything and not try to categorize it yet or give a solution. And, as a pessimistic as it may sound to some, I feel there's some degree of truth that people do only listen when you're gone. As if your problems weren't enough to physically see before, or others knew but then act surprised for some reason.
So many people just want someone to be real with. I can't get over that line about attempting, because, while I know there are those who have good intentions and don't want the person in pain to even consider suicide, it's a lot deeper than just telling someone to never think of it as an option. Or reminding them it's permanent, and whatever they're going through is most likely temporary. I want realness when talking with others, not only hearing people care about mental health when someone drastic as happened and people then realize how it got to that point. I also wish people would take the time to listen about why and how suicidal ideation persists... giving someone the safe space to talk about it instead of treating it as something that the person, who is dealing with thoughts constantly, can never express without judgement. I've had doctors/therapists take different approaches with suicidal ideation. Some, I've felt shameful talking about it with, like I have to prove or explain why I feel the extremes I feel. Others, I could talk about it without the threat of being misinterpreted or like I'll be sent to the hospital for simply explaining my thought process.
Your poetry means a lot to me, just you sharing it, and I hope this reaches others too!