by Oceanloveisland   Nov 13, 2022

Culled to know
Yet Shackled
The Seer sees
The stark contrast
The Seen chase the prize
Seer of Sages
Everything sleeps
But ever so slowly awakens


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  • 2 weeks ago

    by BOB GALLO

    I was enjoying my ride until the fifth and sixth lines I either can't grasp what is being said there, or there is something hasn't ripened to it prime or final form yet.
    First don't we need "s" after chase?
    Then, is it "Seer of Sages" the prize?
    If so how you conclude the ending??

    In the end we learn the ratio of awakening is way lesser than the one of sleeping. This again do not manifest as a good thing, because if true, the awakening is going to fall sleep eventually before even attempting at awakening. For awakening with that ratio would keep diminishing. Though in the other hand if this doesn't make sense in logic and maths, but poetically I think you are just depicting a tendency, a mood rather than the mathematical accuracy.
    So, for me the ending could be very powerful if I could get rid of my problem with the two previous lines. I might be wrong. There might be something missing in my understanding of those two lines.

    Really nice write. Thanks for sharing.

    • 2 weeks ago

      by Oceanloveisland

      Thank you, the amount of thought you put into this is impressive, and in the right mood I do the same thing, I don’t possess a strong gift in logic. I write out what I feel mostly and sometimes I don’t understand it. Once I do I will change the words. I appreciate you and the time you put into my poem.

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