Comments : Rain

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Beautiful, and this read more like prose to me. I like how you include the vague "you", it seems like a dear friend who is encouraging you to let go of what is hurting you, or mistakes you have made. I like the line "I hope it lasts after the sunset", kind of a more ominous feel, that after dark you will lose your faith in yourself again or the ability to forgive yourself.

    "We hold our hands" I think sounded a bit awkward? Maybe re-word? Or simply say, "holding hands". Also don't be afraid to show the reader more about the rain, give more insight into where you are standing, what dreams you have. This is a good start though and shows how much the rain helps you reflect. I feel similar in that the rain can give us more perspective, can refresh us in profound ways.

    Keep writing and welcome to PnQ, by the way!