Comments : Broken Pieces

  • 15 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    I haven't not been able to do the same as you <------- That line should be "I haven't been able to do the same as you" or "I have not been able to do the same as you", you can't have the words haven't and not. I think it was just a typo, though. Hehe. :]

    But for all this pain you've left,
    you've taught me things I'll never forget.
    You have taught me,
    so many things,
    like how I can't trust
    those pretty words I hear,
    or that I can't let,
    another boy come near.
    You also taught me how to love,
    but more importantly,
    how to lose.

    ^^ Okay, I had to put this whole stanza up, because I can relate to it so much. Especially right now. I'm feeling a lot of these emotions. I could really connect with it, and that's a very good thing to have in a poem.

    So, you expressed you emotions really well in this poem, but it was really simple compared to some of the other poems I read. I think you could maybe add some metaphores just to spice it up a bit and keep the reader interested. Also, remember the last line in a poem is the most important, because it's the last thing read. You want the reader the have that line stuck inside their head after they're finished and leave them stunned.

    I hope you don't mind me leaving this long comment. Haha. I just like helping people out with ways they can improve. Anyways, it was a good poem, and I can definitely tell you worked hard on it.

    Great job!

    Keep writing!
    Cayce

    P.S. Thanks for the comment on my prose. x]

  • 15 years ago

    by Sharon

    Good poem and i know exactly how you feel. I still love my ex and i'll have guy friends but once i find out they're interested i just feel bad because i can't feel anything for them when my heart belongs to my ex.

  • Thank you guys for all your feedback! I really appriciate it and it helps me to know what to imporve and what to keep :]