Comments : If Only

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Bruised, broken, tattered and torn,
    Only from these will love be born,
    Soft, gentle, open and caring,
    Only an angel would be so daring,"

    Great opening stanza, this really catches my eye, and I love how in the first line you used the word "tattered".

    "Scared, lost, confused and hated,
    Only to these is a broken soul fated,
    Loved, held, honored and respected,
    Only in a heart could these be injected,"

    Good wording, flow and rhyming choice, this part is absolutely flawless. Your words have such a meaning in this poem too, and it was intresting to read this.

    "Fun, exciting, euphoric and desired,
    Only in freedom could these be acquired,
    Drained, wasted, fading and confused,
    Only a devil should be so abused,"

    I've never heard the word "euphoric" before, but I like how you used it instead of using just plain common ones, again you wrote this so well.

    "Hoping, wishing, thinking and praying,
    Only unstable emotions keep swaying,
    Falling, kicking, screaming and crying,
    If only we knew the true fear of dying..."

    You saved the best for last! Well, in my opinion. I like this, just the rhyming choice really caught my eye, it was simple but yet so touching. This was different from other pieces I've read, the style you used was quite interesting, how you used adjectives/verbs, in the first and third line, and your flow was excellent. Great work, 5/5 from me. Keep writing, always and forever...