Comments : Bellicose.

  • 15 years ago

    by PS

    To begin with this is a very interesting form. I also think that you should definately say "preparation is" instead of "preparation's" if that is possible. Moving on. I am not really sure what is going on in the poem, but i would assume it has something to do with war/hostilities. The part I don't undersatnd is the artists. but that could just be ignorance on my part. I like the way that you form lines, just the phrasing like: "hostile merriment soon shall fade" and "fall has come to an end tonight"

    Now you had asked about the first two stanzas. I think you should keep them. the way that I am reading this poem is that they are a sort of a prelude, and i tend to like those. It creates a mood for the rest of the poem. i think.

    I hope this is what you were looking for as feedback

  • 15 years ago

    by FallingAngel

    It confused me, but the first 2 stanza's are a lot alke, you may think about rmoving the first one, since the second one is almost a repeat of the first though that is just my opinion. As for the rest of the poem, it was really nicely written, though I don't really understand the whole concept of it. But that's probably just my ignorance showing. Your form of writing is really deep, and I like how you phrased the words. Amazing poem.

  • 15 years ago

    by Minkus

    5/5. This poem says: "Art counteracts War." That's what I got. It seems very cryptic... I think that's a good thing for advanced poetry. However, make sure never to confuse crypticality (lol) with vagueness, the latter of which is bad.

    As for the first two stanzas... I think the first one could be removed/replaced, and most especially (in both of them) the line "preparation is required in time" is very difficult to comprehend. It seems kind of chunky. I would focus on changing that so that it's slightly more clear how it relates to the lines it's paired with in each stanza.

    The fourth stanza could use a little work as well.

    I gave this a five because I think the artistic vision is there, it just needs a bit more polishing.

    I'd appreciate comments on any of my poems that don't have any yet.