Comments : A Fair Paid In Blood (Free Verse)

  • 14 years ago

    by CanUKissAwayMyPain

    I have a disease.
    A sickness,
    that spreads through my soul,
    leaving me wanting
    yearning for the sweet

    ^ this was a nice way of opening your poem here i loved it. the flow was prettie good. imaginie was great.

    potent taste of life,
    that cherry red liquid
    that everyone contains.
    It's as easy as two puncture marks,
    and my thirst is at rest,
    at least for a while.

    ^ flow was off n on here and there but it was still good to kee on reading.

    I'm not like other people,
    I have a curse,
    for I have been damned,
    and destined to walk the night.

    ^ oh wow this was trulie deep to say a curse. i like that word makes it more dark and deep in this part

    The warm kiss of sunlight,
    will never graze my face ever again,
    cause now instead of kisses
    that fiery sphere above,
    only ceases to remind me of what I've left behind,
    and of the dark path,
    that lies ahead,
    for eternity.

    ^ i like it i wouldnt change a thing =]

    How I long for,
    the simple things I used to take for granted,

    ^ i can relate to this and understand we times we trulie do take for granted by what we have

    my reflection in the mirror,
    as I got ready for an evening out.
    Or something as simple as making a decision
    between the steak or the shrimp at dinner.
    But I have a disease
    that leaves me hollow,

    ^ wow this was speechless

    no longer human
    and although I shall live forever,
    I shall live forever as the damned,
    damned by all mortal creatures.
    Until my differences consume me at last,
    as well as the one shred of humanity I carry with me.
    For this disease I bare,
    there is no cure.

    ©
    ^ i LOVE it. I trulie do. trulie an amazing piece you rote here.
    5/5

    TaKe CaRe,
    Frenchy