My first reaction is that this is beautiful. I love the emotion that pours from your words.

I noticed that a lot of the lines have, more or less, two parts, and because of this, many of them should have commas, for example:

"We'll lay together count the stars,
Name them all pretend there ours."

* After "together", I believe there should be a comma, because when I read it, I read it with a pause after "together" and after "all". I could be reading it wrong, but wherever you have a pause, there should be a comma.

"Name them all pretend there ours."

* "there" should be "they're"

"If this day should be our last,
I'll live my future in the past."

* Those are my absolute favorite lines. They are simply brilliantly phrased and beautifully written. These lines, I feel, sum up the piece entirely. Gorgeous.

Overall, I adored this piece. I wouldn't change much, regarding the words, as everything is perfect, in my opinion. Wonderful job.

Five out of five. [5/5]
`Briana

"Memorized the lines to your heart,
With wishes to one day get the part."

That was my favorite line in the whole thing!
It flowed with tremendous beauty. It was wonderfully phrased.

This piece made me wish that someone felt this way about me. The words were amazing. I could sense the love you have for her. I really have no criticism at all.
five outta five.
I will be looking forward to reading more(:

Goodness gracious that is beautiful.
"We'll lay together count the stars,
Name them all pretend they're ours."
I gosh darn love these lines! So wonderously written! It is so good to love someone... the gushy feeling of goodness. I love the feeling of love. I wouldn't give you no less than a five on this write.
A job well done, a righteous write on a beautiful feeling.

You always could write a love poem :] until this day I still haven't found someone that write better love poems then you. You put so much heart and emotion in to your poem they they come to life for me everytime I read them. It's like watching a movie. That's how real your feelings are and how vivid your images are. Veyr lovely poem. I wouldn't change a thing. Nik

Nitpicks: *There are numerous places that I would have used different punctuation, but they're not very important. Briana's comment covered some of them.

*"Lonely nights worse than death." -- this sounds like cro-magnon man speaking or something. Easily fixed with an "are" in the middle.

*"Lonely tears fill precious chestnut eyes," -- this line has a lot more syllables than most and so it throws the flow off a little. If you chose between "precious" and "chestnut" instead of keeping both, it would make it perfect.

*"If somehow I passed at 11:11,
I'd wish "God send me back to heaven"." -- the 11.11 part felt kind of forced. I got the impression that the word "eleven" was chosen because it rhymed with heaven and then the rest of the line was fitted around that. It made the whole couplet feel a little corny. But I can see why you went with it because the resulting idea is good. It's tough to choose between changing it and not, totally your decision.

With those out of the way, on to the good stuff. As others have said, I think my favorite couplet was:

"We'll lay together count the stars,
Name them all pretend they're ours."

That was just great. Overall it's a great love poem, I voted a 4 at first because I felt like the poem was a little diluted--a number of lines just didn't have that much impact for me. Still, none of it was particularly cliche, which is impressive for a rhyming love poem. I later wanted to change my vote to a five instead, but alas, I cannot. Great write!

I must say that I am impressed with every aspect of this poem The theme, the rhythm and rhyme flawlessly flowing to the romantic passion that has no limit

I enjoyed reading this piece it portrays a great feeling of love, I can almost feel it jumping out at me when I read.
Apart from the slight hiccups already mentioned above there is really nothing I can say that hasn't already been said.
One thing I do agree on is if you added those commas that Bree was talking about I reckon the poem would run much smoother..

All in all, a lovely heart filled piece :)

This was an okay piece. Sorry if that seems patronising, but it just seemed average to me. (Sadly, it reminded me of some of my own love poems). I don't particularly think it's a bad poem, but for such a popular topic, it needs to be stronger.

Brad

P.S. Please vote and comment on all the poems you read.

First of all you copied the poem almost word for word you just changed a couple lines. Get a life kid, don't take something of mine you could never write in your lifetime and try and ruin it and take credit for it.

You are an amazing writer. I love your poems!

I was gna swear ! yes i was gna swear u made me have tears my goodness this part

When clouds block the summer sun,
Your smile as bright will make them run.
The pain of distance is my sorrow,
Nightmares still return tomorrow.
If this day should be our last,
I'll live my future in the past.
Your face is all my mind will see,
Asking forever on bended knee.

waaaaahhhhhhhhhh...geeee u have nice nice nie sweeet talent...so deep soo truthful.. sounds ffrom deep deep inside the heart...

5/5

This is a beautiful piece of writting
You poured your heart and soul into it.
Keep up the amazing work.

Wow. I am definitely adding you to my favorites. You write such beautiful poems. I loved how you put in the 11:11 wishing that is very cool. My friend and I do that all the time. This poem gave me goose bumps :) The only spot I saw that was confusing was:

When suns rise above the tide.

suns?? another world? I think you meant:

When sun rises above the tide.

But thats all. I read it slowly and aloud as you asked and it really hit me.

I couldn't choose which line I liked better the 11:11 one or this one:

Your heart is safe if you hide its hope,
Hang your dreams with noosed rope.

Great job 5/5

Karl, this is an excellent write. I loved your line about counting the stars. I wouldn't think twice about making the suggested corrections. It's perfect just the way it is. Good work, man.

It was so damn great couldn't be more perfect , but who felt so much pain n' passed so sh!ty moments can't write something like this beauty cause the pain they feel is deeper than the words can bring on the lines , n' that means
10\10 am glad u done such a great job e

Omg wow i totally love this poem it was excellent!!! so sweet your really good at this keep up the good work 5/5

Very beatiful poem karl
this feelings are so true and sensetive i lika the last part