Comments : You Have Been Warned

  • 8 years ago

    by Jad

    You want to talk about overpowering. Well, this poem was definitely Overpowering. So many raw emotions are brought out in this poem and I find them suffocating at points. The flow of this poem was spot on and it reads so easily yet settles least so.

    "If you enter believing you are the One to awaken
    joy and break dams letting red rivers flood in,
    you will be found shattered and forgotten -
    alone and ruined with no remembrance of such words as"

    This was by far my favorite stanza. It gives an indication of some type of hope, some type of treasured feeling of setting thing right and then it is crushed and forgotten never again to reappear in this poem. The emotional torment this poem represents in shocking and amazing.

    All in all, I found every bit of this poem wonderful and it is so powerful that the poem draws you in from the beginning till the very in. The main emotion I would say resides in this poem is hate and hurt. A lot of it too. Anyway, before I babble forever about how awesome this poem was I will end my comment. :] great job and keep writing.
    hope.

  • 7 years ago

    by A lonely soul

    I forgot to comment on this powerful one earlier. So here are my kudos:

    My heart is a black hole in space, sucking
    the bones of love dry.
    It is a vast desert set on the planes of Mars.
    If you do not perish of starvation or of dehydration,
    you will lose yourself entirely to despair.
    You will find no paths leading to a destination;
    no ends to a mean.

    Real strong on similies and defensive expressions. Could not have been better said.

    If you enter believing you are the One to awaken
    joy and break dams letting red rivers flood in,
    you will be found shattered and forgotten -
    alone and ruined with no remembrance of such words as
    hope.

    Wow! great defensive expressions - from a girl's point of view.

    This beating muscle is emptiness filled with more
    emptiness.
    A hollow jar with the breath of death locked inside.
    I have nothing for you and yet you carve away at me,
    relentless because you still believe in healing.
    How fragile your innocence is and would that I
    could mourn for its demise.

    I feel the "pulse" in this expression. So deeply and well said poetically. We guys sometimes wonder what happens to a strong- willed girl when you reach out or desire a friendship. As stated nicely poetically, a "defensive stance" before the "melt". great write. I wonder, why you did not win on this one. To me its a winner!