Comments : Like the Flowing River [Haiku]

  • 6 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Ok
    beautiful imagry

    however, the technical format for a haiku (as with a senru) is
    5 - 7 - 5
    your format now is
    8 - 9 - 6.

    Most of the time we accomplish the sparity of beats by eliminating articles & compressing ideas into ferwer words.
    For example:

    Snow falls, covers land

    Then you develop the theme & put the pathos or irony into the third line to seal the nugget.

    Try your rewrite in the format & J think you'll like the outcome

    Larry

  • 6 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    I agree with Larry..but let me just talk about the wording? AAAAAMAAAAZINGGG>>AMAZINGG!!
    I LOVE
    IT
    SSSSOOOOO
    MUUUCHHHH!!

    I love how all the members of : Like the flowing river..had absolutely a different idea for the title..
    amazing job lizziee

    I adore u!
    5/5

  • 6 years ago

    by Cinnamonspice

    I love your haiku's, they say such beautiful things with so few words you bring nature to life
    Connie