Comments : Rain

  • 12 years ago

    by Sparkling snow flake

    Nice write..
    I like the way you used repetition throughout the poem was very effective... I like the first part
    Let the rain wash away the tears :)

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    The repetition sounds good but perhaps divide the poem into stanzas. As i was reading, i found myself getting lost through the lines. And perhaps add a little bit more to the sentence : let the sun decide
    Let nature rule.
    and change mind to course
    Let the waives change their course instead of mind.

    I just added a few changes but they don't have to be taken much into account since your poem is nice the way it is. :)

    Let the rain wash away the tears
    
Let the clouds lead me home
    
Let the stars shine in the sadness
    
Let the moon set new goals

    Let the sun decide (its appearance)
    
Let the snow cool the tempers
    
Let the hail crash down on anger
    
Let the waves change (their course)

    
Let the soil make promises

    Let the rocks break them
    
Let the grass cover the evil
    Let the trees watch over us


    Let the birds sing loud songs

    Let the cats and the turtles, all creatures get along
    
Let the world before technology restore the peace
    
Let nature rule (before us.)

    
Let the sounds and the sights of the wilderness show us true paradise
    
Let the rain wash away all the tears, all the mistakes, all the years.

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    The repetition sounds good but perhaps divide the poem into stanzas. As i was reading, i found myself getting lost through the lines. And perhaps add a little bit more to the sentence : let the sun decide
    Let nature rule.
    and change mind to course
    Let the waives change their course instead of mind.

    I just added a few changes but they don't have to be taken much into account since your poem is nice the way it is. :)

    Let the rain wash away the tears
    
Let the clouds lead me home
    
Let the stars shine in the sadness
    
Let the moon set new goals

    Let the sun decide (its appearance)
    
Let the snow cool the tempers
    
Let the hail crash down on anger
    
Let the waves change (their course)

    
Let the soil make promises

    Let the rocks break them
    
Let the grass cover the evil
    Let the trees watch over us


    Let the birds sing loud songs

    Let the cats and the turtles, all creatures get along
    
Let the world before technology restore the peace
    
Let nature rule (before us.)

    
Let the sounds and the sights of the wilderness show us true paradise
    
Let the rain wash away all the tears, all the mistakes, all the years.

  • A beautiful poem about life and you have integrated nature so well into the piece.
    I agree.. Something has to be done about the mistakes of society - we are killing our beautiful Planet Earth.

    Just a few things
    5th line down - I thibk yoy would want a capital for 'let'
    ^^ not a biggie just thought you might like to know..

    Also the flow is a little off at the bottom - this is due to the longer lines you have used - you may want to break them up or reword them to restore the flow.

    Otherwise a pretty good poem.

    4/5