Comments : Forever alone

  • 13 years ago

    by Jenni

    I would recommend you to put this poem in the sad section because it is rarher sad, that is just my opinion though. The way it is presented right now is not too inviting either, so I would suggest to break up the lines:

    "Laying in my lonely bed,
    desperate thoughts within my head.
    My soul, my life I care no more.
    Just like my heart everyone tore.
    This battle I fight I can not win.
    The answer is the ultimate sin...."

    It would be better like that. I think that the emotions are quite strong and the message you convey is clear.

  • 13 years ago

    by Stevie

    Thank you, sorry my first poem lol