Mysterious ancient Egypt on white burning sands
Over looked by spirits guarding sacred land
Now the weathered sphinx mighty and proud
Sentry over the desert stately unbowed
I love the image of the first stanza - the white burning sands. It makes me think of the deserts and how hot it can be out there and how hot the sand would be. I pictured sand dunes clearly in my head it was beautiful.
The idea of the spirits guarding sacred land. It reminds me of the movie The Mummy - I think because there were spirits or people that were trying to protect the mummy so no one would wake the mummy up. I have no idea but almost every time I read a poem it goes back to some awesome movie it reminds me of.
Slaves toiled and died building pharaohs tombs
Complicated building nestled in Egypt's womb
Walls told stories in demotic and hieroglyphic
Symbols beautifully etched and very specific
Oh this is so heartbreaking. I really dislike the image of slaves but the stanza itself is lovely. The words and flow is beautiful.
Gods and goddess's were worshiped and revered
Bastet was protective Amun's importance feared
Temples were erected dedicated to the gods
Lexor was constructed with a simple faÃ§ade
Another lovely image as well. When you talk about the Lexor it reminds me of the Lexor in Las Vegas that is built like the pyramids in Egypt. I've never stayed there but I have heard that it is beautiful.
Pharaohs ruled civilization Lords of the two lands
Raven haired beauties as queens at their right hand
Now a modern land, business's and building flourish
Ancients prepared the land with its blood nourished
The last stanza makes me think of where Egypt was many years ago and what it is like today. The difference between the times.
I really did enjoy reading this poem. I loved the rhyming, flowed so well and I thought it was beautiful. It has accentuated my wanting to go to Egypt. I've thought about going there to see the Pyramids. I think it would be quite magical - just like your poem
Well done TJ!!! AWESOME
6 years ago
Rhyming poems are my favorite, but not cheesy rhymes
well done TJ this is magnificent and gives a beautiful glimpse about the pharaohs : )
6 years ago
I saw the title and I thought about pyramids and pharaohs. I have always been wanting to see a pyramid other than the miniature ones. lol.
This is a great poem and I also agree I was able to spot the rhymes in this piece but they were discreet and not cheesy.
6 years ago
Dude, it's a beautiful rhyming piece about the land of the Pharaohs..
I love the whole scenery from the rise of this civilization till today. And what's in between, I like how you quickly described the rise: building the pyramids, the language, the symbols, Gods and goddesses... and what I like the most is the picture of the raven on the hand of the queens. This kind of reminded me of Cleopatra. Amazing piece TJ.
Rhyming poems are the easiest poems to write, but the most difficult to write well. The meter needs to be sharp, the rhymes, unforced, and the language should be consistently rich throughout.
This poem starts out very well, with the first two lines meeting most of the criteria for a good rhyming poem. Unfortunately, my interest in this poem began to wane, as the meter became inconsistent, the rhyming started to feel a bit forced, and the quality of the language deteriorated.
There were a few other good lines, but in a really good poem, every line must be top notch.
Sometimes I wonder whether there is something that you're not good at and I come to the conclusion that I will either never figure or that there simply is nothing.
I felt like your poem placed me back in time and I saw everything happening before my eyes, not being a part of it, but at least seeing it, that is because you describe it so vividly and cause for a picture to paint in my mind.
This does give us a view of ancient Egypt and is technically sound, the rhymes are not forced and the flow or cadence is good but it is just doesn't seem like TJ to me. Maybe it is because it seems so different from what you normally write and with that said, good job on this one.
This is a really good piece i can really see egypt
I did feel a few lines in there that dimed out abit
loved the tittle seemed quite unqiue
its in my opinion i think you shouldnt of used the word egypt in the firsr stranza even tho we knew what its was describing i jus think it would of added to the magical mysterious ... only my opinion tho
I wonder if i will be as good as you dude. I mean, just look as how you toy with your words to create such a remarkable piece. You must know your history really well especially of Egypt for a guy who is fron the US.
This really is a great piece. I love how you spoke about egypt's past and then spoke about it the now. This is the kind of poem that hooks the reader in from the start.
6 years ago
by Lifeless Doll
This poem is full of creativity, I like how you can tell a little bit of Egypt's story with a very descriptive imagery and still manage to do a great rhyming, I can perfectly imagine Egypt's trough your words, great poem :)
6 years ago
by Ms Happiness
Wooooow a really great rhyming poem:)
I loved ur word choice, perfectly written :)