Comments : Words gone away

  • 12 years ago

    by Lioness

    My craft, my life, my self
    depend on meanings;
    the kind found in tomes
    described by older dead
    with names like Black
    and Webster and Funk.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    I love the opening stanza. It makes me think of my own life and how I would love for it to have some meaning. Not to live just to live but a deeper purpose. I can see this poem already is one of those that makes everyone think about themselves and what they are doing in life. I love this part.

    With these specks of purpose
    I weave reality as it should be,
    at least as a working title:
    a premise until improved;
    yet always strive to make
    the right choice of words
    to hand to you, dear reader,
    dear audience, my clarity
    so that Truth envelopes you.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Now in this stanza, it's like you're talking to the reader - me at this point. I love how you've done that. It has brought a deeper connection to you and the poem. I also wonder - the word Truth - you have capitalized the "T" and not sure if you just wanted this word to stand out of if it was an error. I believe it was to make it stand out because there's a lot that can be said for the word Truth. Especially when it comes to our lives and who we are. Truth to me in what our purpose is and if we're living it.

    Now lately these senior pauses
    take on more somber tones
    of grey and cloudy fluff;
    retrieval time from data lobes
    stretches out, I feel the eyes
    as those predators around who
    are not concerned with my case
    sense a weakness in the air
    and turn this way to perhaps
    get a glimpse of the beginning
    of that long slide to superficiality-
    an early dusk, dark and polar.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    The last stanza shows the more darker side of the poem. I was wondering why you had put the poem under dark poems and this is why. The first two stanzas made me question things and myself but this stanza made me feel empty and dark with your words.

    I absolutely loved this poem. I could see myself in a few words and meanings. I love the imagery here and the tone.

    Another awesome poem by you Larry!!!

    x

  • 12 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Larry-

    You have penned a powerful poem here.... You have expressed feelings that often set in with many of us... when we start reaching the peak and down hill cycle of maturity... Oh heck I'll just be blunt because I'm feeling it too... when we get old we can't think as sharply as we used too! ;-)
    It is dark.. and scary... and the way you expressed and talk to us "the reader" just captivated me.... and I applaud you for your voice!