There is this woman who looks a bit shy
Who prefers loneliness but no one knows why
Who pretends to be fine but something seem wrong
Her sad eyes reflect those melancholy songs
The imagery is well written, like the flow too. Try to look in the third line it: seem--seems-I think is fit after something.
She loved a man with whole of her heart
Besides the religion that want them distant apart
He used to be a man with a beautiful smile
Cheerful and smart enough to mesmerize for a while
Nicely written too. Just a bit hard to read in the first line--hmm. What do you think of it? Maybe, it's just me in my foolishness. But the corresponding lines are good. I have no suggestions about the followed stanzas below coz it was written well and great. I like the message and your point of views. I really sorry for this guy who gave up his love because of traditional beliefs. Yeah, I've read and watched about this story...many times before but still this poem conveyed a very good effect to the readers because of the right flow and the interesting part. The rhymes are great too. Well-penned.