Please any one rate my poem ......... i would be happy to see my mistakes......
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)
:)

Please any one rate my poem ......... i would be happy to see my mistakes......
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)
:)

65 visits and not a single comment,

Not fair is it?

Ok

To be honest I think the '.............' and the shape have put people off,
There is a great message in this, the pace is really quick,

ok the nits

line 2 'breath' should be 'breathed'
'during bright day' should be 'during bright days'

In line 6 I would add 'a' between 'everyday' and 'single'

line 7 'i' should be 'I' and forever is one word.
Line 8 'know' should be 'knows' and depress should be 'depressed'
line 9 'know' should be 'knows'
line 11, into is one word
line 12 year should be 'years old' or drop the word 'year' altogether.
line 13, either 'like a' or 'honey bees'
line 15 'u' should be 'you'

Then I would re arrange the whole thing, Write each line and read aloud as you do, when you pause for breath, start a new line,

I hope this helps you.

Thanks you so much!!!!!!! i will fix it.........