I LOVE THIS POEM SOOOO MUCH, YOU ARE SOOOOO TALENTED, 1000/1000, IT HAS SO MCUH EMOTION AND YOUR HEART IS UNLEASHED PERFECTLY!

Ok. Well, the word "first" is missing a 's' just to let you know.
I like the rhyme in it but the flow is a little off because of the rhythm of the sentence. A few lines need a few extra words.
Other than that, I like how you chose prose form instea of stanzas here. Makes it seem like more of a story than anything else.
It is sad and heartbreaking. Love it.