This is such an incredible poem, there is much to love about it! I can see a very seductive woman taking control of your every emotion, perhaps playing you. 'Sound tracked my footsteps' definitely reflects this perfectly. I just love the usage of sound tracked though, it's one you don't often see in poetry so it's a nice refreshing word. Also, sound tracked is two words not one :P
'Slave to your nectarine sway'
^Unbelievably brilliant! Nectarine makes me think of like the scent of her perfume or something which attracts you to her but obviously is in a different context here but can be interpreted several ways.
I can't get enough of this! Parasol heart is just lovely, meaning you are more reserved, sheltered. So poetic! This may be a new favorite words of mine that I may have to try to use also! I love how the stanzas are broken up to emphasize the difference of both personas, how they compare and contrast.
She may be seductive and such yet you are reserved and much more innocent it seems. You seem hesitant, yet slowly slipping into her control and how she's such a seductress to your feelings.
This is just perfection. The best poem I've read perhaps ever on this site. I'm just so in love with every little aspect of this. I don't see how this cannot be a winning poem! Excellent poem, Colm! :)
I used the same title before, only your poem is much better, though. Oh, I love how this poem flourished into something free and spontaneous. Each line seems to connect with each other, thus creating a smooth and gradual transition from the opening to the last line. Each word prompt was adeptly fashioned and well-placed within the poem.
Nectarine sway, starfish of interest, china bed of bliss, the allure of your sex
^ very artistic!
Congrats on the win!
5 years ago
by Tara Kay
Congrats on the win Colm, a pleasure to share the front page with you.
This was very creative, but there was no restriction, it flowed so smoothly, so free in itself and the wording and tone was amazing too
I started writing a comment for this piece but got distracted and didn't save it. I don't usually come back to commenting once I've lost my train of thought but I adore this one so here I am. I was really intrigued by the first line; it was the description you displayed here that really made me keep reading. I felt like the description in this line was extremely important in understanding the overall poem. You used the word 'coquette' first and followed by 'lovely', it was the order that you placed these words that were important for my understanding. As coquette can be associated with some negative connotations I feel like you used the word lovely afterwards to move the negativity from the readers mind. You weren't trying to depict this woman in a negative way but rather a little more playful, flirtatious yes but not in a sense that she is an overly promiscuous woman.
I was also fond of the way you managed to depict yourself and this woman as two opposites. I thought the descriptions were well thought-out, you depicted the female as someone who was playful and out there, perhaps a little troublesome for your heart and you as someone shy and a little hidden, reserved in opening your heart. I find that while the poem is very sultry in a way it is also elegant. The descriptions are very elegant and creative.
Another thing I really liked was the use of textures. You mentioned nectarine which have a texture but are also very smooth in a way. They remind me of the female form. China has another interesting texture, again smooth but it's also colder, for me the reference to a china bed symbolizes the way that perhaps you imagined the intimacy to be a little warmer than it was. It was almost like the realization that while this woman was as you said, lovely, the way you depicted her and the way she depicted you were different and in the end you realize that her emotions weren't warm like yours, but rather cold, like china. I think this is where the placing of description in the first line become important.
I like the ending; you could take it two ways. Perhaps it was a dream you had or perhaps it was as what could be described as a dream come true. A lot of lovely elements to this poem and you really did entice all senses of the reader.
5 years ago
This is really an incredibly sensual and sexual poem masked behind these beautiful yet strange words. I see it was written for a contest and saw similar words in other poems, but Colm had a really interesting way of placing them. Not only did he make them overly poetic and painted a picture, but he made this challenge look like a breeze. My favorite parts were definitely how he used nectarine, so sensual and done in a very delicate way. This poem is dirty yet proper, a delightful twist.
Every bit of this poem is something quite amazing...the poet's ability to be artistic and give every word its purpose makes me fall in love with the brilliance of this poem, how much expression there truly is! The word choice was phenomenal, especially since it was for a club contest, since it's hard when given a set of words to have a poem mean something but also flow. I agree that the poet did not just throw words together or side by side.
I did use a dictionary for a few of these words but it made the verses all the more entrancing.... there is also something sensual and extremely prosaic when certain lines are read aloud "to tickle the starfish of interest" and "a slave to your nectarine sway", these words just feel right and like they were born to be together! This woman seems very eccentric to me, and the more I read, the more I find this woman wants admiration, seeking the utmost attention, but not necessarily being all that sincere in the end. Wonderful work! Each feeling expressed was brought in a new way that paved a path of wonder for me as the reader....and I loved how the poet used "soundtracked" as a verb, never came across that before!
I do love and admire Colm's artistry in this poem! His word usage simply leaves me smiling!
When a heart loves, it feels full, alive and fluttery: Colm uses " parasol heart." A form of protection, such as a light umbrella, shielding the heart from the light of "her" and yet feeling vulnerable to her "nectarine sway"..... Beautiful imagery....
This piece has me feeling as if he is smitten to this "quirky" beauty and yet shielded by her enchanting ways... The words used within this poem is Delicious!! Really love this piece,
makes the reader come alive in each line. I also admire Colms ability to see a side of his personality in this piece as well... Really a marvelous poem!