Comments : Rough

  • 9 years ago

    by Masked metaphor

    I've been the lost
    that was never found
    ^^
    I love the reference but more importantly the way you personalised it to suit you! Effective way to lure the reader in! way to go :)

    I've been the gone
    that was never around
    ^^
    Nice way to weave in the loneliness you feel, capturing your vulnerability so explicitly. I know what it feels like to be invisible, the feeling that if you were no longer there no one would even notice because they never did!

    I've been the seen
    who was always a ghost
    ^^
    Wow you have extended this further, I like the use of ghost and how it is a rarity that people see you and if they do they dont believe their eyes, I like the linking and the flow!

    I've been betrayed
    by those I love most.
    ^^
    Amazing!
    This is my favourite stanza of the entire poem!
    captivating and so heart felt, it always hurts double or even triple when hurt by those closest to you!

    Amazing write!

    5/5

    • 9 years ago

      by Court

      Aye, that it does, but this poem is exactly what the title says. It was a rough draft that I never got anywhere with. It had more stanzas originally, but they just didn't fit. Somewhere along the way I gave up trying to fix it and left it as it is. It will always seem jagged and unfinished to me, but it seems kind of fitting at the same time. Sorry, didn't mean to babble.