Comments : You don't have to be my rock.

  • 9 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    Title: Again this can be interpreted in many ways, but this being in the sad category tells the reader that it's about someone who has supported you or you have learned on them (or each other).

    First- Love this feelings and imagery here. Life really is a roller coaster. Comparing it to love though was well thought out to me. Love and life really do have there ups and downs. But if you hang on until the end it really is rewarding. The next lap is something you can get through because you have been through so much already. Love the "thought" at the end of each stanza, that's where the sadness comes in.

    Second- very first word "you" should be "your". It seems like your wife has been your rock and it tells me that you were there psyically but not mentally. It's very difficult sometimes to be there all the time. And that's when they DO worry a lot. But if you have good support then it'll be alright.

    Third- are you really holding hers? Again sometimes it doesn't feel like it. Knowing they will always be there for you though, is a good thing. But wow, the eyes line says so much here. Eyes really do tell the whole story. Words can " fake" happiness as can a smile, but if you notice eyes they can tell emotions.

    Ending- Of course they never have to be your rock. Loved the time frame you placed. That tells us how long you have been holding on and have had those ups and downs, and through that your love has gotten stronger. Love this write. Beautiful work!

  • 9 years ago

    by BlueJay

    At first I really wasn't sure how I was going to like this piece - the title caught my attention and it also intrigued me (nice use of skill.) This piece is really quite unique in the way you chose to format it and share your voice. I really like it. I really like what Beautiful soul said about the imagery and feelings, you got your point across beautifully and wonderfully and it worked very well. You made me feel like I was either watching this or like someone was saying it to me.

    Fantastic piece. Extraordinarily heartbreaking.

    • 9 years ago

      by Darren

      Thanks to you both.