Comments : Saving Christmas (sestina) (HM)

  • 10 months ago

    by Em

    No words for this Michael, perfect and I am gutted I'm out of votes as it needs nominating.

    All the best, Em

    • 10 months ago

      by - Mr. Darcy

      Oh, no, Em. Lucero, challenged me to write one of these forms. I agreed far too quickly, before I researched the form and how strict it actually is. This is my first, so it is far from a poem worth nominating, but thank you, my dear for the thought. xx

  • 10 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Em,

    I have your back here, dear woman - I have all three nominations remaining. A first for me midweek!
    Michael - what a wonderful and clever piece of formed poetry. You know it must be good when you get halfway through the explanation of the rules and regulations of said form and find yourself feeling hopelessly confused and inadequate!

    Take care,

    Ben

  • 10 months ago

    by Everlasting

    Oh my, I'm smiling while reading. I feel like a child again reading a story. I haven't check the requirements but so far at first glance it looks good. Glad is nominated.

    • 10 months ago

      by - Mr. Darcy

      When you find errors, please let me know. I think I've developed snow blindness with this one. lol

  • 10 months ago

    by Everlasting

    Ah, there's an error.

    on the fifth stanza:

    Dad looked miffed, for he knew this feeling, Christmas,
    But, being torn from his bed caused his temper to run.
    "I don't really care, this just isn't fun, there's snow
    And there's..., I don't care, he peeved, back to your bed!
    Mum took the children's hands, her face all bright.
    They looked up at her... past her, up at a curious sight.

    Little fingers pointed up into a sky full of snow <<-- this one should have had "sight"
    And high up in a tree, there indeed was a sight.
    They all looked up, in the tree that was now a bed;
    Bed for a person... a Santa, he'd fallen this Christmas,
    down from his sleigh. "Quick children we need to run!"
    Santa groaned, as he awoke, not feeling too bright.

    the fifth stanza should have the ending words like

    sight
    Christmas
    bright
    run
    bed
    snow

    and the sixth one:

    snow
    sight
    bed
    Christmas
    run
    bright

    the others are good.

    • 10 months ago

      by - Mr. Darcy

      Thanks, Lucero. Changes made.

  • 10 months ago

    by Brenda

    Michael, what a delightful write! Entertaining throughout. Totally neat style. I have never heard of this before, very cool. That's one of the things (one of many) that I like about you, introducing different styles. Always something new-well done-

  • 10 months ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    Mr Darcy! Michael.. What a lovely new style! I must get to trying this one! :)
    I think you have done a fabulous job and what a lovely piece it is indeed!

    Well done :)

    • 10 months ago

      by - Mr. Darcy

      Thanks for your vote of confidence. Lol. The form is a very old one, but my first attempt. I messes up, but thankfully Lucero helped. It's more a story than a poem, ideally it would have been a clever poem with all the fixings, but the form is tricky to say the least. Still, the next one might be a little easier. Practice makes perfect, or so they say! Lol

      Thanks for reading, it means a lot. X

  • 10 months ago

    by Naughtymouse

    Michael,

    Your poetry never ceases to amaze me, I have to say I love this, all the usual blah blahs word choice and structure etc but I love the depth you've written in and the imagery ot throws up.

    I've never hear of this form before...and usually when I find one I jump right on the bandwagon and start a scribbling.....this looks tricky as hell..... Might leave this one for a time when.my brain will allow me to play lol

    Ben

  • 9 months ago

    by Meena Krish

    I've never tried writing a Sestina before for it looked complicated to me; but after reading this it makes me want to try. This poem has a nice flow and rhythm to it with all the spirit of Christmas mixed into each line. Nicely written and congrats on the HM.