Comments : Looking past my wants (Tri-fall)

  • 10 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Meena,

    What a thoroughly interesting form, and though I haven't heard of it, this poem reads beautifully so I'm sure you've executed it very well.

    I simply love the line 'loyal ink turns cold blue'. When even ink deserts us, we really are in trouble, aren't we?
    Wonderful.

    All the best as ever,

    Ben

  • 10 months ago

    by William Mae

    What a beautiful and wonderful write. You set to poetry the feelings of so many people's heart. Who among us had not yearned and wanted and yes even needed to say more to enlighten others of our feelings. I dare say we all have. Beautiful write

  • 10 months ago

    by Brenda

    Meena, what a neat form, I have never seen before. Beautifully written, very lush in its descriptive. I really liked this a lot. Well done-

  • 10 months ago

    by Em

    Meena, I have never heard of this form before so I am glad of the footnote as I see a few of us would be and though I haven't seen it done before yours seemed to be done perfectly and read smooth so well done on that.

    Title - This makes me wonder if this is you looking past your wants as to make someone or certain people happy or if it is someone looking past them for you i.e. not realising what you want or need from them.

    1/ I love this opening because it says so much about (I think) being a secret admirer, about wanting this person but either being scared or just unable to say anything about your feelings to them, maybe its because it's not allowed or again, you're scared about how they may react. I'm not entirely sure but I personally think we have all been there some more than others and I think because of this fear we may be rejected we always walk away from what we want letting someone else get it and I think the worse could happen is them say no but I guess we would get over it in time.

    2/ Absolutely loved the imagery here of loyal ink turning cold blue because if the ink is no longer loyal to us then what else do we have?? It also makes me wonder if anything I said about part 1 was at all right haha... Anyway I also love the imagery of red ants eating your thoughts and my goodness it wasn't a pretty site but was a great image.

    I believe you should speak up about whatever the matter before it's too late and you live to regret it.

    Take care,
    Nominate, Em

  • 10 months ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Meena, my dear. I have read the criteria and it seems you are missing a stanza. I know its a big ask, but could you add a stanza?

    • 10 months ago

      by Meena Krish

      Oh shoot you are right I'm missing a stanza!! Gosh I've
      never made a mistake like this!! Maybe I should not have the
      form rather just leave it as a poem..

  • 10 months ago

    by Jyoti Rawat

    nice poem

  • 10 months ago

    by alka mendiratta

    Beautiful write !!!!

  • 10 months ago

    by William Mae

    I had to come back and read this again, it only gets more beautiful,

  • 10 months ago

    by William Mae

    Yes I came back and read this again, it's so beautiful