Comments : The Eraser

  • 6 years ago

    by Justen Smith

    Beautiful words, and the sentiment can not be more true.

    • 6 years ago

      by Kitty Cat Lady

      Thanks, it's a common discussion in our house! =^.^=

  • 6 years ago

    by mossgirl19

    This is nicely rhymed and wonderfully worded all the way.

  • 6 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    A thoughtful and very well rhymed first post from you.
    Well done and a warm welcome to the site,
    Ben

    • 6 years ago

      by Kitty Cat Lady

      Hey thanks Ben, really kind of you to say so =^.^=

  • 6 years ago

    by Em

    This is fantastic !!

    • 6 years ago

      by Kitty Cat Lady

      Thanks Em :-) =^.^=

    • 6 years ago

      by Em

      Love your cat :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Mark

    Ah Kitty, your first rhyme on pnq. I almost became teary just thinking about how I wasn't their to support your poetry from the beginning.

    Hopefully this will make it up to you. The first stanza establishes the theme and message...cleverly posing a question, a very poetic question. Would you change the past?
    The use of the word 'sucked' - which may seem unusual for poem...however no doubt is used for a shock effect...a power word. Very personal.
    To rhyme with sucked...an alternative ....something like...."Would you kiss the feathers as they were plucked"

    Now you pose another question... If you could erase the past, would you be the same person? Love this question and the last line
    'Would you cease the need to cry'

    The use of 'and' twice in the second line in the third stanza may be a little 'clumsy' ;). However I believe it is used purposely to maintain the flow. An alternative may be...'full of joy, love and many a laugh'

    I really find this part intriguing where you provide your own answer to the main question.
    How would be compare the dark?
    Its sort of saying how will we know and enjoy happiness if we do not know what unhappiness is. Reference to a scale is particularly powerful.
    'We'd loose the simple pleasures in life

    So I'll not take the eraser
    Pass me the permanent pen
    Each blow survived I'll mark it down
    For the sun will shine again.

    So here is your decision, I'll take the bad - for the sake of the good. And what a marvelous way to end the piece to uplift and comfort the reader with
    'For the sun will shine again'

    Lovely poem worthy of an extensive comment. Hope it makes up for my absence at the beginning.

    • 6 years ago

      by Kitty Cat Lady

      Wow, thanks Mark for taking the time for this in-depth comment. You've totally hit the nail on the head with your analysis of my message and your suggestions for improvements are excellent! :-) x
      Kitty =^.^=

  • 6 years ago

    by Maher

    I'm a sucker for rhyming poetry. I'm also a sucker for poetry that has real-life value to it. On top of those, I'm a sucker for poetry that contains lessons to be learned. You, ma'am, made a pretty good concoction of the 3 here. But there's something even better here, whether it was intentional or not. It's a little hidden gem that I found, and that's what I'm a sucker for most.

    You started off with 3 questions, big ones at that, but the cool part is that they were responded to by 1 consequence and 1 piece of advice that I had to draw my own conclusions from. It goes to show that good advice is often worth more than just a straight answer for a specific problem. Poetry is meant to make you think, and that's what this one has achieved.

    Just sharing a little gem I found that I thought was kinda cool. Great write :)

    • 6 years ago

      by Kitty Cat Lady

      Hey Maher :-) thanks so much for your great comments, it means a lot to me that it's got you thinking. This was inspired by my son who was so poorly as a child. Now a healthy (ish) teenager, he says he wouldn't change any of the pain and suffering he's been through as he believes it's made him who he is ... how totally cool is that? :-)
      Thanks again, I'm pressing my 'praise' button x
      =^.^=